monkeymonkeymonkey

need an avatar, need one now.

2011-05-16T10:59:00.000-04:00

this never works, but I am trying again.

Populace Direct Bus Glasses Supermarket

2011-03-09T13:10:00.003-05:00

My favourite sign.

What I Miss About China
• eating with chopsticks every day
• clean, cheap, plentiful public transport
• being one of the tallest people around at any given time
• not being at work
• seeing Morag every day
• the adventure of being/seeing/doing all that new stuff

What I Don’t Miss About China
• the pollution
• the being stared at all the time
• missing Nicci and Jemima
• the noise

Things I Wish I Had Brought More Of Home With Me
• peanut-butter and chocolate Oreos
• good pictures
• one of those cute little tortoises for sale in Shanghai
• containers of peanut soy milk
• a nice Dragon-Turtle ornament from Beijing
• Pleasant Goat merchandise

Things I Plan On Doing
• posting some of the not-so-great photos I took
• publicly thanking Fang Zhang for helping me out with translation before I left, and generally putting my mind at ease. Thanks Fang!

The saddest store in China, one guy, a black and white TV and empty, dusty, pop bottles.

On A Plane Home

2011-02-18T11:40:00.001-05:00

Flight left a little late, just as predicted.

Sitting right at the back, had all three seats to myself, but a young man has joined me. He is sleeping right now.

We had a real honest to god, "ladies and gentlemen, if there is a doctor on board please come to the front of the cabin" style emergency. They asked in three languages, twice. Not sure what it was, or if a doctor presented themselves, but there was a bunch of hustling and bustling. Update - when we land in Toronto, passengers are confined to their seats while paramedics come on board, we had a bunch of tiny grannies on the flight, not sure if it was one of them or someone else.

We flew home by a different route. Straight-out over the East China Sea, up along Japan, across the Bering Sea, the south coast of Alaska, The Yukon, N.W.T., Manitoba and down into Ontario. We are up above The Soo right now.

They have just handed out the hated customs forms, and yet again not included a pen with it. I guess I should remember to bring one, but come on!

Our crew is very senior, seriously, three quarters of the staff look like they are ready to retire any time. I heard a couple of them discussing it while most people were sleeping. They had never been on a flight with this high a seniority rating before.

Between the 28 hours in planes, the at least 54 hours on busses and trains, and the mattress-less bed at Morag's, my sore bony ass is going to take a while to recover from this trip. I managed to sleep on the flight, but it was fitful and plagued by cries of "mercy" from my rear-end. I only managed to get in one and a half full movies and an amusing Australian short film about meeting God on this flight, oh yeah, watched the first 3 episodes of Community too.

Borrowed a pen from the man in front of me, the one with the hilarious little baby girl, who has been as good as gold, love her, hate customs forms.

Loved the trip, love coming home.

Waiting On A Plane

2011-02-18T11:27:00.002-05:00

Sitting in the departures zone of the Shanghai Pudong Internatinal Airport. Beside me is a 2.5 - 3 year old boy watching some crazy kids show about tigers brushing their teeth, oh wait, now it is a human girl, getting her teeth brushed by her dad. He is watching it on his mother's super thin MacBook Air. It looks lighter than my iPad.

Morag and I had a fight about breakfast this morning, but we worked it out before I left. I am really going to miss being with her everyday, I think we were both coming to the point where we needed some space. She has a very small room.

Out into a rainy, damp morning (only full-on rain since I got here.) The roads and side walks on Morag's campus are paved with an assortment of stones, big, small, rough, smooth, even polished. The polished ones, slick with rain, made the walk to the bus with full back-pack and carry-on a little bit challenging. Morag says they are super fun when covered with a layer of snow. Onto the Special Number 2 bus for one last trip through Suzhou, out through the Quantum Gate - this weird installation/sculpture thing over the road leading to Morag's school, it has these two rings of bright white metal, attached by strings of lights, and the road, and tunnel run right through the centre of it. On one side there is a statue of Albert Einstein, and on the other I.M. Pei (who it turns out designed the fabulous Suzhou Museum.) At the train station I grab a quick veggie bun then jump onto the fast train to Shanghai, then a long subway ride with 2 changes, and here I am. No need for a limo or a cab, I got here by transit. Why doesn't Toronto have a subway to the airport?

Plane is running late by about half an hour. Have 65 Yuen left and they are burning a hole in my pocket.

Had a snack which included the worlds greatest coconut milk ever. Half an hour till we board and although I have free Internet access, blogger is being a pain.

More Things Here

2011-02-18T11:23:00.000-05:00

There don't seem to be very many (if any) high-water, apple-bottom, booties here. Most of the trunks I have observed are neat and petite, not completely empty like my own, but not stuffed full.

As near as my ignorant, unsophisticated western tongue can tell, Chinese hard liquor comes from one of two flavor classes. The Slightly Sweetened Medicinal Tincture group, and the Poison group. The one I had last night came from the latter. I don't know how long it would take to re-educate my palette, but I am guessing 7 lifetimes.

Did see the aftermath of a traffic accident today. Dented car, destroyed motorbike, people talking to the police. Just like at home.

I had a culturally insensitive moment a few days back and got hostile with a guy who cut in line at the post office. It was a waste really, language barrier reduced us both to angry gesticulations. Morag pulled me away and pointed out that I had in fact been standing sort of between two lines, so maybe he wasn't really butting. Whatever, since then I have been way more aggressive, you might even call me "the elbow kid", no one cuts in on me anymore, and I have even done a bit of cutting myself, not proud of it, but I have.

Went to the movies, which had assigned seating, which was weird because we didn't realize it at first and were sort of awkward about it. The lobby totally smelt of popcorn, and although I remembered Morag telling me something about it, I ordered it. They don't salt popcorn here, they sugar it! Not caramel corn style, more like they switch out our salt with sugar. A bit weird at first, but tasty.

2nd last day

2011-02-17T14:26:00.000-05:00

You know who has a great 20 year old daughter? I do. Simple as that. She has entertained me, educated me, helped me, adventured with me for the last 16 days. She must have been bored, irritated, embarrassed, but she did it. She rocks. I am so grateful that she allowed me to take advantage of this opportunity.

I wasn't so glad when we slept in again this morning. I did try and wake her up at one point and she told me "I am in a very bad mood right now and trying really hard to be nice" so I let her go back to sleep, and did the same myself.

So, we missed breakfast again, however, it was so late when we finally got up that the cafeteria had reopened for lunch.

Then we took the bus to the North Suzhou Bus Station and caught an inter-city bus to the quaint little canal city of Tongli. It is sort of like Suzhou in the antiquity/canal/proximity to Shanghai department, but it has kept it's old town pristine, instead of building up around and in it. You get off the bus, walk about 15 minutes, cross a canal, pay an entry fee and it is like you have stepped back in time. Tiny lane-ways, people on little boats along the canal, gracious gardens, and a feeling that it would totally reek during the warm months. We visited a couple of gardens, looked at some shops, saw some museums and then headed back into the newer part of town for dinner.

One of the Museums was the Chinese Sex Culture Museum. They have two buildings, the one in Tongli, and one in Shanghai. The write-ups made it sound great, but it wasn't. Lots of stone phallus and naked people in the pretty gardens, but in the buildings themselves just a weird assortment of sculptures, found objects, artifacts and plenty of paintings of different coital positions (you have seen them before, from Japan or China, well this place had tons, pretty much minor variations on each other). The "curator" had tried to tie each room together with a theme, but the displays didn't really much reflect the ideas (and why was there a giant sculpture of a soaring eagle in the middle of the gallery of sexual deviancy?) There were some interesting "sex education" figurines that could be hidden inside larger ceramic figures, so that mothers could discretely use them to teach their daughter what was expected of them. The pillows that were built to hide dildos for lonely nuns and concubines were pretty cool too, but how people sleep on the hard wood or ceramic pillows I do not know. The whole place was more like an eccentric with an eclectic interest in the erotic decided to put their collection up for public viewing, than it was a museum.

Our dinner was scrumptious. We went into this tiny little hole in the wall, and were handed baskets by this 6 or 7 year old girl, then we went to a fridge and filled our baskets with our soup fixings. I had two kinds of tofu, bok choy, nappa, hard-boiled quail eggs, preserved greens, two kinds of mushrooms and ramen noodles. I handed it to the woman standing by the big pot of water and she cooked it up for me. Meanwhile the little girl showed us to our table, brought us a bottle opener, and straws. When our big steaming bowls of soup arrived we added chilies, and vinegar and chowed down. It was so cold in the place, and the soup was so hot and spicy that my nose was running like a faucet, but I didn't mind, I was hungry. For entertainment we had a blaring TV showing some crazy loud cartoon about a little boy and a pig who where friends, but yelled at each other a lot. All this for less than 3 bucks for both of us.

My favorite point in the day was about halfway back to Suzhou. Our bus driver is barreling along (don't have an actual speed, but factoring in the roar of the engine, the bouncing, the creaking and rattling, I would guess about 330km/hr) this elevated expressway, holding down firmly on his horn as he tries to veer across all 3 lanes of crowded traffic, flashing his lights and weaving in and out, when his phone rings, and he answers it, and starts YELLING at the person on the other end, no preamble, straight to the bellow. We made it though.

Tomorrow we will get up early, and we will make it to breakfast, then we will finish our Scrabble game, then I am off to the airport.

Egads, I will miss the big girl terribly.

Super Supermarket

2011-02-17T14:20:00.000-05:00

Today's original plan had been to sleep in, then wander around campus (people are beginning to return, there were about a hundred or so in the one cafeteria open tonight, the day before I arrived, Morag was all alone. To put it in perspective, there are 4 big cafeterias on campus here, each seat between 300 and 600 people at a time and they are usually so full that you have to shove people aside to get up the stairs.), and then maybe visit the giant athletic/movie theater/bowling alley/coffee shop just off the south end of the campus. Turns out we slept in too late to wander campus and get breakfast, then when we got to the mega-use-complex everything but the movie theater seemed abandoned. So, we took a bus ride (about 40 minutes) to a shopping mall that along with 2 different donut shops, a two story KFC, and a Pizza Hut has a GIGANTIC Grocery Store. Well it was more than a grocery store really, imagine a Costco, but where you don't have to be a member and where you can buy just one or two of something and not have to go for the 20L jar of mayonnaise. I hadn't seen any bulk food in Chinese Grocery Stores (CGS), Auchan had it. I hadn't seen a produce section of any merit in CGS, Auchan had it (nearly all the produce was individually shrink wrapped, but there was plenty of it.) Plus a bakery, plus a butchers and a live aquatic animal butcher (be thankful you aren't a soft shelled turtle in China, your life expectancy would be pretty short here.) Not to mention the restaurant, and the two full aisles of Ramen Noodles - two full grocery store aisles of different flavors of Ramen and other instant Noodle soups. If we had been outside, instead of in air-conditioned comfort (both heating and cooling is referred to as air conditioning here - which when you think about it, makes sense) then the far end of the store would have faded into air polluted grey. The place was maximum size, no joke.

After buying belts, booze, mangoes, souvenirs and school books we came back to Campus and ate dinner at the cafeteria (not so tasty really, but less than one Canadian dollar to fill the belly to bursting.)

Then back to Mo's room to re-wire her bathroom light (guess where we got the electrical tape and the light bulb?) and try and Skype my darling wife to wish her a happy Valentines. No luck, she wasn't on line. But just so as she and everyone else in the world knows. I Love Her, and Can't Wait To See Her!!!

We might go see a movie later if we have the energy.

Downgrade

2011-02-16T03:47:00.000-05:00

Guess where I am? A train station. Guess what I am doing? Waiting. Guess what all the guys cramped into the little anteroom outside the toilet are doing right under the no smoking sign? That's right, smoking! Plus c'est change. As far as new experiences go, well, I am interacting with my first Chinese schizophrenic right now, she is seated directly across from us, letting her invisible enemies have it and chain-smoking and chain-spitting up a storm.I am avoiding eye contact as best I can as she is pretty agitated.

So I want to retract yesterday's (she has moved over a row to pick up a newspaper) 100% glowing revue of Shanghai. I am downgrading it to "no cooler than New York." I guess yesterday was all sunny and bright, and we spent most of it in the French Quarter, and the subway lines we took were brand new. Today was grey and cold and polluted and snowy/rainy. The subway line (#2) was older and dirtier, Lujiazu station was missing ceiling tiles and Pudong was a bitter disappointment. Sure the Oriental Pearl Tower was like a pretty CN Tower, and the Shanghai World Financial Centre was like the worlds tallest bottle opener, but everything we saw was touristy and sorta gross. Imagine Niagara Falls surrounded by enormous sun-blocking office towers. To be fair, we didn't wander far from the edge of the river, and perhaps if it had been warmer we could have had a better time, but it wasn't and we didn't. We did decide to check out the Shanghai Insect Museum, which instead of the interesting educational science centre thing I had hoped for, turned out to be the most hateful, disgusting animal torture center slash petting zoo from Hell I have ever seen. I am so ashamed I spent money there. If there is such a thing as a Chinese ALF, I hope they liberate everything there and then burn the shit-hole to the ground. On the plus side for Pudong we did have a nice coffee in the Super Brand Mall.

Back in Shanghai proper we had a stroll along the Suzhou Creek, and then down the Bund, taking in the faded European grandeur. After that we walked in the centre of the Huangpu section of the city and visited the tres lovely Gongdelin Vegetarian Restaurant (since 1922 no less.) It was a fancier place, in a fancier neighborhood than last night's vegetarian restaurant, but the price was only a little bit more. Some things were nicer (tea, service), some worse (the meatballs). Both were excellent over-all, but if you are ever at the Gongdelin, don't bother with the Fried Sparrow. too much batter, not enough sparrow.

Now we are waiting for the train to Suhzou. Had a bit of a scare when the automated ticket booth kept telling us there were no more trains tonight, but we found a human and she sold us some. I think tomorrow is just lying around.

Countryside

2011-02-12T21:45:00.002-05:00

During our 3 long train rides I have seen a bunch of central chinese countryside, and I have to say, it sure is full of people. Is there any 24 hour train ride you could take from anywhere to anywhere else in Canada that wouldn't spend at least some of the time traversing wilderness? I don't mean pristine arctic wild lands, but at least some area where you don't see houses, or farms or settlements at some point? We haven't gone through anywhere here where you don't see a farm or a road, or people working, or houses or some signs of people. I guess up in the north there is desert, and out in the west you have the Himalayas, but around here it is people people people.

Postcards

2011-02-12T21:38:00.000-05:00

Normally when I go on vacation or travel I love to send postcards. It makes me feel good, I honestly get pleasure from it. So I have been writing postcards while I am here, and sending them off (19 at last count), but they just aren't giving me the boost they have in the past. Partly I think it is because I write on here every day, partly it is because I am nervous that they aren't going to even make it to Canada. (None of the many packages sent to Morag have gotten to her yet, although my mom received word that the one she posted has at least arrived in China.) Maybe next time, no blogging, just post carding. Probably not, I am doing the blog mostly for Nicci, because she likes it, and I really like her. So too bad for you potential postcard receiving people. Blah Blah Blah, what I really mean is I miss Jemima and Nicci, I am about ready to go home. I want my sweetie and my little baby. I want my bed, and my dog. The home fries at breakfast were good, but the coffee really sucked and I miss Nicci. Waaaaaa.

Things

2011-02-12T21:34:00.000-05:00

The interplay between Pedestrians, Drivers, Cyclists here is like a dangerous crazy-ass ballet. It is based around the same precepts as queuing and perambulating on a busy sidewalk. Fill any unused space, DO NOT make eye contact, act like you own the place and yield to greater numbers.

Only a couple of days ago (after having to jump quickly out of the way of a taxi) did I realize that there are no stop signs. Head towards the intersection at full speed, slow if there is something bigger, merge right in, any lane will do. Pedestrians dive, bicycles dodge, horns honk, and weirdly, I have seen only one accident. Morag has seen one between two scooters and a cyclist, the one I saw was just a single vehicle (black Mazda Five with Roof Rack - Nicci, are you following me?) that managed to get itself rammed up on a median. Morag and I try to cross with a group of locals, if you follow their lead it is comforting. I was busy looking at a map yesterday and when I looked up Morag and the gang were already halfway through a multi-lane havoc-full crossing. I had to make the journey by myself, and I didn't like it. Cars seem to left and right turn on red lights, scooters can ignore any red light, and even if the little green man is flashing for you to cross, cars have the right of way and you have to be prepared to move out of the way fast. I am not saying it is bad driving - everybody seems to follow the same rules and know what is going on, it is just really foreign to me.

A lot of people smoke here. No smoking signs seem to mean - Keep it to a minimum. The slow train had plenty of no-smoking signs, but as long as the smokers kept out by the bathrooms, where there wasn't a no-smoking sign they figured they were safe. 8 people smoking in a 75cm x 200 cm space can really fill up a train car with smokey goodness, fast.

There isn't as much horking, honking, snorting and spitting as I had been led to believe (oh there is plenty, trust me, but not the levels I expected).

Green vegetables get cooked to within an inch of their lives (at least at every restaurant we have been to.) Also, green vegetables seem to come from the Green Vegetable fairy, and not the supermarket. Every supermarket we have visited is about 98% packaged food. One or two has a few wilted veggies, but nothing like the produce aisle at home. Yesterday, walking down a tiny side-street in the French Quarter we happened upon a little veggie market, and the produce was healthy looking, vibrant, plentiful and weirdly clean (the carrots looked ready to go into surgery), but this one market in Shanghai can't be feeding everybody, where is it all.

Tofu isn't a vegetarian threat to meat eaters here like at home. Tofu is a wonderful squishy addition to most any meal you get. Sadly, for us vegetarians it is usually cooked with some form of meat. We were on our tour of the Terra Cotta Warriors and Zsa Zsa our guide was busy being aghast about our vegetarianism, literally shuddering at the idea of giving up meat, and I said "but you eat tofu", she looked at me like I was an idiot and said "yes, tofu is delicious". So different than at home.

Sweets aren't very sweet here. Mildly sweet, usually bean filled or seed filled, and chewy or flakey, but not North American High-Fructose Corn Syrup Super Sweet. The only chocolate bars I see regularly (except in the lah-dee-dah richie-rich grocery stores) are Snickers, M&M Peanuts and various Dove things.

Ramen Instant Noodles are the food of choice for travelers. Every train and bus station I have been to has big piles of instant spicy noodles in cardboard buckets. All different flavors (how many types of meat can you dehydrate? All of them!), and colours and seemingly eaten by everybody.

People prefer hot water to cold water. Every hostel we have been to has a hot water dispenser, only one has had a water cooler. It is good to have plenty of hot water dispensers, you never know when you want to eat some Ramen.

Again with the Trains!

2011-02-12T08:37:00.002-05:00

OMFG! Take a fast train why don't you! No really, try it. The train we took from Suzhou to Shanghai today was so fast. It took an hour to get from Morag's place to the train station by bus, and then half an hour to get all the way to Shanghai. Check it on the map. Wicked ass. Our top speed was 341km/h. I know some of the fancy Japanese Mag-Lev trains go over 400km/h, but that is the fastest I have ever gone, except in a plane. I loved it.

OMFG! The subways in Shanghai! What a system. Big, complicated, cheap, clean, easy to navigate ticket buying system in English and Chinese (all touch screen), and on some of the lines the platforms have a glass panel and the train doors line up with sliding glass doors in the panel and it is like a big long train elevator door system. The best part about the trains though (besides the little LED flashing station indicator that shows you where you are and where you are going) is that there are no doors between cars, so you stand at one end of the train and you can see all the way down to the other end, and when it turns a corner it is like you are on the inside of a snake.

OMFG! The money here! A couple of posts back I mentioned that the social life/economy in the cities we have visited doesn't match up to the image created by those vintage Maoist posters. Well Shanghai, the birthplace of Chinese Communism, has gone completely the other way. (At least on the surface, I know little of the ins-and-outs of contemporary Chinese politics and there may well be things going on that rival the heyday of the Gang Of Four.) One of the activities we attempted today (and failed at) was visit a museum at the little house where the founding meeting of the Chinese Communist Party took place. It is in this ultra chi-chi boutique lined avenue. It is within spitting distance of a Rolls Royce dealership, and restaurants that look like they would be by invitation only. Just 2 blocks away are HUGE flagship Apple, and Versace outlets and acre after acre of upscale stores. (There was a Beard Papa though, and we did get a Cream Bun, and it was delightful.) The Party and what came out of it must still be important to people though, the whole time we were standing around the museum, people kept coming up and taking pictures of their families in front of the plaque on the door.

Really today was a failure in many ways. We slept late. We almost fought at the house, and then again when we got off the train in Shanghai. I tripped and hurt my knee. Two of the four places we set out to visit were closed by the time we got there. I got Beard Papa cream all in my mustache, some Belgians/Germans/Austrians made fun of us for taking the subway instead of walking, and the women at the Buddhist restaurant tonight treated me like I was an imbecile. But it wasn't a failure. The train and subway rocked it. The Chinese Propaganda Poster Museum was fantastic. Most of those posters were trashed when Deng Xiaoping took office, and the museum has thousands. We bought a nice one for Morag's room, to remind her that science is hard work, but paramount for the revolution. We didn't make it to the Jade Buddha Temple on time, but we did make it to the Jade Buddha Temple Vegetarian Restaurant, and despite the withering service, the food was such a pleasure. It was the first vegetarian restaurant we have been to, it was a relief not to have to keep an eye out for stray flesh, all the different fake meats were divine, and the greens weren't completely over cooked. (Bok Choy gets sort of gross when it is cooked to death, and I LOVE Bok Choy.)

We are back at our Hostel, the bar may be playing nasty techno, but it is smoke free, almost empty, just us another backpack type couple and some chinese guys playing poker. The fireworks are going, but they are far enough off in the distance that they can be ignored.

Tomorrow we are doing a couple of other sections of the city. The Bund (old European downtown) and Pudong (crazy new skyscraper downtown). The plan is to go home on an evening train, but we are going to decide if we want another night over breakfast tomorrow.

The Colonel

2011-02-12T07:24:00.000-05:00

KFC has China locked down. Sure you see Mcdonalds (creepy little girl come hither patter playing outside every restaurant) and Pizza Huts (way more upscale, sit-down than at home), and I even seeb two Burger Kings, but KFC? Damn, the Colonel is in charge! As we walked through old town and the shopping core today there must have been 7 or 8 of them. It seemed the same in Bejing and Xi'an too. Morag says it is because people just aren't that into beef here, so KFC makes more sense. Could be, but I also wonder if it isn't that The Colonel's face (which is on all the signs, and posters and storefronts) resembles that of the venerable ancestor. Serious, bearded, looking down from on high. Maybe it strikes some sort of cultural chord, or maybe they just got here first and out-maneuvered the others. You also see plenty of Starbucks, some Dairy Queens, and any number of the high end boutique type shops - Fendi, D&G, Prada etc. Maybe the Party still holds sway in the country side, but in the big cities I have visited, the dollar seems to be the chairman.

Suzhou City Limits

2011-02-12T07:20:00.000-05:00

Suzhou City Limits are hard to reach, because it is a really big city. We took an hour and a half bus ride from the campus to the "old city" and the downtown shopping core. The shopping core (imagine Yonge and Dundas that goes on and on) is just one tiny part of downtown. There appear to be several downtowns. At least that was how it seemed to me from the top of the North Temple Pagoda (the tallest pagoda south of the Yangzi - and a little scary, I kept thinking, the foundations of this were laid down 1700 years ago, and it is really tall and really full of people). The pagoda is part of a working temple, so there were lots of monks, people burning incense (the biggest incense I have ever seen, over a meter long and about a decimeter around!), and plenty of incarnations of the Buddah.

Before that we had lunch at the saddest restaurant in the world. We only went in because we couldn't find another one, and it had these tanks full of live turtles, and frogs and crabs, and eels and fish, all waiting to be eaten. On top of that the only staff person present spent her time staring vacantly at some Chinese Idol type show from 2009. Creepy and weird, and the tofu dish had meat in it that we had to pick out.

Before the depressing lunch we saw the Humble Administrator's Garden, one of the nicest and largest enclosed gardens in China. Morag promises me that when she is a billionaire she will set up something like it.

And before that it was the Suzhou Museum. It isn't very big, but it is a beautiful building, the exhibits were well laid out, and the English translations were easy on the brain. (By the way, a big "thank-you" to China for providing translations on so many signs. Thanks!)

Tomorrow and the next day are Shanghai, after that we aren't sure and then it is time to go home. I really miss Nicci and Jemima, I can't wait to see them.

OUT OF CHRONOLOGY NEWS FLASH

2011-02-12T03:00:00.001-05:00

Sitting in Costa Coffee at the corner of Fuxing and Madang , hope this doesn't offend anyone back home, but Toronto drools, Shanghai rules. 100% true. Sorry Toronto (and Montreal and Vancouver and really any other Canadian city.

Beard Papa Lets Us Down

2011-02-11T23:32:00.003-05:00

We slept nearly the whole day away, and it was raining and cold, so as I stumbled around waking up Morag did her laundry. We left the residence around 7ish and walked to a nearby plaza for dinner. While there we went through The Lonely Planet to plan our next week. TLP talks about a place called Beard Papa, I mentioned this to Morag and she went into rapture about the cream buns you can get at Beard Papa, and didn't it turn out that there was one only a short bus ride away at the Times Square Mall (home of the worlds longest outdoor overhead LED TV screen). So onto the bus we hop.

Down through the mall (did someone say this was a Communist country? you cannot tell that from the high end malls in the cities) into the food court. There is Beard Papa. Sadly, there are no cream buns, well there are some, but they are in the oven, come back in 20 minutes. OK, walk around the really high-end mall, look at stuff we can't afford, marvel at the huge TV screen in the sky (and it was only partially on), buy some Chinese style junk food (kim chi potato chips, blueberry potato chips) in the really expensive grocery store, and head back to Beard Papa. Sorry, there are no cream buns, what? but you said? sorry, dang! Back on the bus and back to campus. Morag gets chatting to friends here, and on the Internet, so I do laundry, read some comic books and drink a beer. As I sit here typing this, my poor tired ass is reminding me that I just spent 23 hours on a train and to please give it a break. Tomorrow we tour Suzhou.

There is no training for this.

2011-02-11T23:31:00.000-05:00

What a train ride.

Sweet Jebus, what a train ride.

There is so much to say about it, but unless you were on it, I am not sure you would really understand.

Firstly, we were on the slow train. I don't think the train itself actually goes slower than most other non-super-train trains. But it stopped at nearly every town, and out on the tracks and just about anywhere else. Just sat there and waited. Not sure why.

Secondly, we were in hard seats. The seats had some foam padding on them, but they were benches, and couldn't tilt back. On our side of the train each bench sat 3, and on the other side they sat two. The benches were paired, so that each bench faced another bench and there was a small table between them.

Thirdly, it was jam-packed with people. Every seat was taken, the aisle was jammed, and any open space had more people crammed in there as well.

Getting to the bathroom, was an ordeal of squeezing out of your seat, stepping over the people sitting at the edge of your benches (they buy these tiny little stools to sit on), pushing past the people in the aisle and gouging your way to the line up at the toilet. I didn't drink or eat much so I only had to go once. I went early in the morning, and really, given everything else, it wasn't that bad. Stinky and covered in a pool of urine, but not that bad. Morag went a couple of times and said it was really gross by the end of the day.

Fourth, there is no privacy. None. Everyone is talking to and about everyone else. Needless to say, Morag and I were a big draw for attention. No one else spoke any appreciable english, and I am sure no one appreciated my faltering attempts at Mandarin. The man beside me (the smiling jack-ass was my name for him) had a translator on his google phone, and I had a phrase book on my ipod, so we managed a bit of information exchange, but it was minimal. No one believed that Morag was my daughter, someone called the conductor on us at one point and we had to show our tickets (only us, no one else in car 18), and Morag says that when I was asleep and snoring people were video-taping me (yes smiling jack-ass, I am speaking of you.) It gets a bit tiring being stared at for 23 hours.

Fifth, the noise! Oy the noise. Everyone has a cell-phone, everyone has every tone on their phone turned to maximum volume. Most people stare at their phone for at least two rings before answering it, and nearly everyone has different tones for text messages, and it is a bit like being in a huge arcade. There was one person at our end of the carriage that had this little chirp sound for texts or something, turned to the max, that went off at least three times a minute for the whole time we were on the train. I am not exaggerating. I couldn't see who it was, which was just as well, because I would have smashed the fucking thing, but it just kept going off. Plus people were playing music off their phones, there was music playing over the intercom (Guy Lombardo era big band tunes for the most part. Auld Lang Syne, Silent Night etc), and several people were watching movies or playing games on their laptops. Add to all this the general volume of that many people crammed in that little space and you have cacophony galore. By the last quarter of the voyage my brain had given in and I started hearing the babble in english. I kept looking around to see who might be speaking english, but really none of it made sense, it was just my brain being tired.

Sixth, the train was running late, and lots of the stops weren't on the map, so I didn't really have a sense of where we were, and most of the stops didn't have signs up that told you where they were, or if they did they were only visible as you were already leaving the station, so I was stressing out a bit that we were going to miss Sozhou and end up in Shanghai. I think they were announcing the stops over the intercom, but I couldn't really hear it above everything else. Thankfully nearly everyone got off at Sozhou, and some of the people who had been staring at us let us know that it was our stop. Even the conductor came by to make sure we knew to get off.

From the train station we caught a cab, it was the middle of the night so no busses were running and got back to Morag's residence. We were so tired we fell into our beds, and I slept for 13 hours straight.

I wouldn't trade the experience, and we were lucky to get any train ticket out of Xi'an at all (let alone seats). I enjoyed watching the people interact, and was happy to see that even "one child policy" teenagers are sullen and rude to their parents, but I don't think I will ever want to do that again. If I am back in China when Jemima is a University Student i think we will book soft sleepers well in advance, or maybe fly between cities.

Bulls In Xi'an Shops

2011-02-11T23:13:00.003-05:00

So our last day in Xi'an was spent walking. We walked a lot. It is a city of 8 million, so the nice old part inside the city walls (44km long rectangle, wider than tall, don't know the measurements, so can't give you the area, sorry.), is just a smidgen of what there is on offer. We spent a good portion of the day wandering around outside the walls, but not very far. It is a big city by Canadian standards and we were certainly well outside any "touristy" areas.

In the morning, after another leisurely breakfast - turns out there is a breakfast even slower than the Mexican, and that is the Israeli one. I don't know what qualified it as Israeli, it was just fried eggs with tons of canned tomatoes over a layer of barely cooked potato strips. It was quite tasty though. The English and American breakfasts were ready in a jiffy for everyone who ordered them. I think it might be the addition of potatoes that puts the kibosh on a speedy repast - we packed up our room, stowed our bags and headed out. Our first stop was the Great Mosque in the heart of the Muslim quarter. It was great (size wise) and a Mosque (lots of prayer mats and men getting ready to pray in their little prayer hats), but it was in pretty poor shape, and like almost everything else in every city we have been to, covered in a layer of grime. – It is weird how dirty and how not dirty everything is. The walls, streets, benches, anything that sits still is REALLY GRIMEY, a few things that move are too, stray pets, the beggars,the medium and slow trains. Most things that move are shiny and clean. The People, their Cars (haven't seen a carwash, but any vehicle that is getting used regularly seems to shine). Given the number of people, and their endless ability to litter you would think that the country would be up to it's hips in garbage, it seems though that there are these tiny old people that come out early in the morning that clean it up. Seriously the entrance to the Subway late at night is just a shambles, get up bright and early and it is all gone. Oh, and you NEVER want to sit down on a floor EVER. Enough about the grime – The Mosque was an interesting blend of Chinese and Islamic. The arabic calligraphy blends in nicely with the dragons and lotus flowers. The prayer hall was impressive, but we weren't allowed inside. I don't think non-muslims ever are, but on top of that they were getting ready for noon prayers. After finishing up with that we walked through the quarter and had Cold Noodles with Sesame and Ice Peak Soda. I know, what a surprise, but they are so good. From lunch we headed out on a long walk through the walled city and beyond to The Temple of the Eight Immortals. An ancient Taoist temple set on the sight of a teashop where someone got hammered and said he saw all of the Eight Immortals sitting around him drinking. I know there is more to the story than that but that was my take-away from the poorly translated, highly reflective, almost impossible to read signs outside the temple wall. Inside it was a working temple built on the same model as all the other temples (and the mosque) we have seen. Lots of courtyards surrounded by little prayer rooms and a central gate leading to another courtyard, back and back until you get to the main one, and then a garden behind it. The Temple was quite busy, monks doing prayers, tons of worshippers. The incense brasiers were so full that most of them were on fire, rather than smoking and people kept burning themselves trying to add their incense. I am more used to the smell of Indian/Hippy incense, so at first the chinese stuff just seemed to smell like smoke, but I am accustomed to it now and kind of like it. I have to learn more about Taoism, what was going on in that temple, especially all the offers to statues of crabby looking old men with long beards just doesn't mesh with my simple understanding. I didn't see Piglet anywhere.

Another long walk took us to this park. It was a big park with a driving range, a pond for rowing, an amusements section, and a very sad park. I guess someone forgot to put up the don't walk on the grass signs (they have them most everywhere you find grass), and most of the park was just beaten down dirt with trees poking out of it. Between the dead dry dirt, the dead winter trees, the layer of grime, and the ever-thickening haze of the smog, well it wasn't an uplifting park for me. The families there seemed to be having fun though.

After that, a very long, long, we can't find what we are looking for walk took us almost all the way back to the hostel. Seems like the highly recommended restaurant we were searching for is no longer there. People pointed us in the direction for it, but the building was half abandoned. No worries, a second highly recommended restaurant was just a few blocks away. And it was good. Spicy noodles with Tofu, incredibly spicy potatoes with peppers and onions, weird pear flavored beer. MMMM MMMM. We still had 5 hours until our train left so we sat in a really expensive cafe and drank really expensive coffee (Actually no greater than Starbucks price, but the 4 we had were more than the dinner, including beer), then picked up our bags and walked (we had time to kill, but my hips, knees and ankles felt like they were being murdered) up to the train station.

There were 2 hours to go until the train left, but there was already a line up, so we lined up. What a mad jumble. Pushing, shoving, stepping over. Cramming into any square inch. We couldn't figure out why, all the seats are assigned, so people who have them don't need to worry, all the standing spaces are just that, one carriage is as good as another. Morag got really crabby at being shoved, sat her bag down and went to sleep on it. Changed the whole balance of power in our section of the mob/line. People behind us would see the empty space beside me, and come plowing forward to move into it, get up to me, realize there was a body in the space, but between the prone Morag and the whole family with the huge bags beside her, there was no way past. Rolling eyes, tentative half steps, attempts to climb over. If I hadn't been so tired I would have enjoyed it more. Suddenly, with an hour to go, the sign changes, there is a collective groan/growl/rumble that runs through the crowd, everyone jumps to their feet and starts pushing. Both Morag and I were lifted off our feet a couple of times. People were in a panic to get on the train, running flat out down the platform for a train that wasn't going to leave for an hour. I really don't get it, my guess is that the standing only folks had to grab luggage space. It was difficult to get to our seats, because of all the people standing in every doorway, seriously, put your body in a doorway and don't move, even for the big fat guy with the huge backpack, just don't move. It was a bit like a rugby scrimmage. Once we got to our seats, and then kicked out the squatters (only pay for a standing seat, then sit wherever and whenever you can, even if only for a few minutes) we fell promptly asleep, even before the train left the station.

Squat It!

2011-02-07T21:00:00.002-05:00

I am not grossed out by squat toilets, I don't even really mind them, especially if they are the modern style flushing ones. Whatever, you gotta go, you gotta go. I just want to know how people can read/play video games/smoke while they are on them. I barely have the ability to void myself between trying to balance and keep my calves from cramping up. I guess it is doing it all your life, but I am still deeply impressed.

In the interest of full disclosure, I DO NOT like a squat toilet on trains or busses. If I was the only one ever going to use it and I was only going to use it once, well then maybe. A multi use/multi user squat toilet on a moving vehicle is a recipe for pools of human waste over the whole floor. Call me prissy, but can you imagine the bacteria count on everything in there, and what about the carpet or floor outside the bathroom. The "three second rule" need not apply. Truthfully, I move through the world happily ignoring germ worries, so I guess the reason I am thinking about it here is the smell, it is hard to pretend the bathroom is germ free when your eyes and nose are watering from the smell of dried urine.

PS thanks to the anonymous comment maker for the picture, i went with this one because it looked more like the one on the train. Well, the train one was stainless steel set in green plastic floor tiles, but you know.

PPS - turns out that blogspot and the proxy server don't like each other, and if I try and attach pictures from my end it doesn't work. Oh well.

Xi'an and not X'ian

2011-02-07T09:29:00.000-05:00

Little Ms Way Smarter Than Me points out, quite witheringlly, that I have been mis-spelling the word Xi'an. Many apologies to everyone, in China, and everywhere else that I am such dorkus-malorkus. If you really want to see Morag get annoyed, watch me mis-pronounce "thank-you", makes her crazy.

F-I-R-E-C-R-A-C-K-E-R-S

2011-02-07T09:23:00.000-05:00

On our way home from the Muslim Quarter tonight we walked down through the Bar District. It is this several block area filled with all kinds of bars. Reggae Bars, Jazz Bars, English Pubs, slick joints with valet parking, and holes in the wall. About half way through we entered a freaking free-fire zone. Two gangs of youths were playing dueling banjos but on the firecracker. There were these rolls of M-80 sized (about 5cm long and probably the thickness of a hot dog) crackers, maybe 500 in a roll, and they attach rolls together so that they go off consecutively. Then there were barrages of mortars, about 30 in a big cardboard container, and finally some really big dangerous sounding singles. Louder than a gun, and sort-of scary. So picture this, a narrow little street, really more of an alley, packed with cars, bars, and pedestrians. At one end of the street, Gang A, at the other end Gang B. Almost as soon as the explosions stop at the north, the south end goes off. The smoke is so thick it is hard to breath, the air is full of ash and embers, it gets up your nose and in your eyes. Everyone, even the people who are lighting them jump when the big ones go off, and it just goes on and on, at one point we had to run to get by a barrage of mortars that was just being lit. I got a little worried that someone was going to get hurt, but if they did I didn't see. Don't get me wrong. I am a firecracker lover. A lover of the bangs and flashes. This was just really extreme.

Tiny Little Eunuchs and Beautiful Muslim Dancing Boys

2011-02-07T09:19:00.001-05:00

I know it is my fault for not learning enough (tell the truth, any) Mandarin before coming to China, I know, but sometimes I get frustrated by the language barrier. Case in point - since the day we arrived here (3 days now) we have been telling the women at the front counter that we want to go on the tour to see the Tomb of Han Jing.

"Yes we know that there needs to be a minimum of 3 people to go, but another woman has already put up a note saying she wants to go, but oh maybe she doesn't want to go and we should check in again tonight, oh it is night time now, can we go on the tour, oh check in again in the morning, good morning, can we go on the tour, damn it is cancelled, well how about tomorrow, you will see if the driver will take just the two of us? OK thanks for trying."

Half an hour later we are sitting in the cafe, awaiting a leisurely breakfast (only leisurely because if you order the mexican breakfast it appears someone has to take a quick flight to mexico to get it for you - no one else's eggs take over 20 minutes to arrive.) when in comes the driver, looking panicky, wondering why we aren't at the front waiting for him. We try hurrying the breakfast up and the woman at the counter gets snarky with us for being late for the tour (do not even try to explain why it isn't our fault - just smile and nod), finally the no-nonsense tour driver barges into the kitchen and starts yelling in Mandarin, breakfast arrives immediately, including the undercooked potatoes.

Grumbling aside, what a pleasure the tour was. Way less crowded than the terra-cotta warriors, way nicer buildings, more informative in most every way. Good times for all 3 of us on the tour (yes indeed the other person signed up did want to go). Han Jing was an Emperor of the Han Dynasty. He was a Taoist who made plenty of reforms to the army, judiciary and bureaucracy. He and his Empress are buried in the gigantic plot of land about an hour outside Xi'an. So far mostly just the burial plots outside of the two main earthen mounds have been dug up. Thousands of 40-50cm tall terra-cotta figurines. Male, Female, Eunuchs, Soldiers, Workers, Bureaucrats, tiny little clothes and furniture and weapons. It is like a giant ancient death-defying doll house really. When you enter the excavated burial pits you walk into this hole out in the middle of a field, down down down into this totally modern, fancy-ass, climate controlled museum. You even have to put little shoe condoms on the protect the environment. The signage, and the electronic tour guide were well done (our tour guide hooked us up and then just grunted directions at us). Just the main museum was worth the price of the tour, but then we went and saw the rebuilt southern gate (Big wall enclosing the grounds with gates on each side, most of the walls and gates totally destroyed by time and looters.) and another museum full of all the little bits and pieces that have been dug up. Little tiny arrows, mini belt buckles, and these terra-cotta figures that were built to be sitting on terra-cotta horses - very bow legged.

The ride to and from the Tomb was through the industrial outskirts of Xi'an, and that was a wee bit bleak, mostly because the air pollution today was the worst it has been so far. I would guess things become invisible at about 1km. But by 500m things were really hazy. As we drove through all the factory land (including a huge power plant belching out exhaust) it just seemed sort of hopeless. Like if Eeyore was an environmental state. I am wondering about lowered crop yields. Between the reduced solar radiation hitting the ground, and then the thick layer of dirt and grime on the leaves you have to think there would be some sort of effect.

Once we were back at the hostel, little Ms Energy Pants wanted to head right out. Just on the other side of the wall from our Hostel there is a little 5 stall food fair going on for the New Year. We ate this totally spicy noodle soup full of undercooked lentils, tofu, tomato, lettuce, and peanuts. All the dry ingredients are sitting out the counter in cardboard bowls, you point to the one you want and they dump it into this wire mesh basket and dunk it in a big pot of boiling water, then back into your cardboard bowl and add the salty sauce, the nutty sauce and the spicy sauce. It came with this slab of really pink bologna looking stuff, but Morag and I had it picked out. A few stalls down were these 3 teenage boys selling shish-ka-bobs and these big, flat, stale sesame breads, (really tasty when crumbled up in the spicy broth.) One of the boys in the bread and meat booth wasn't actually cooking or serving he was just shaking his booty. He was dancing to this beat heavy, eurasian sounding, indian sounding, loud loud music. He was really into it, and though when I complemented him he blushed, he didn't stop.

From there we walked a long long way to the Big Wild Goose Pagoda. We had to walk about 5km ( i wanted to say "walked and walked" but poopy pants here said that was hyperbole, and simply not true, so fine, 5k.) We were definitely out of the down-town core. Many of the stores were still closed, but we passed a whole street of pet and aquarium stores (later we stood next to a boy on the bus who had got himself a mouse) The Pagoda Compound was surrounded by a big history and culture park, and a long, wide, series of fountains. Tons of people were just strolling around with their families. Plenty of tacky tourist/fairground junk for sale, lots of people staring at us, we got photographed by a whole gang 20 somethings and had a nice afternoon.

Dinner was back to the Muslim Quarter - delicious cold noodles and Ice Peak Orange Soda. Bought souvenirs, ate some peanut halva (like a crunchy bar without the chocolate) then back to the hostel.

Terra Cotta and Secret Rooms in The Wall

2011-02-06T10:13:00.002-05:00

We did a lot today, yes we did, but my favorite part was walking through a park with my daughter, watching families and grand-parents go about their daily lives.

We got up bright and early, didn't wake up our roommate, (don't know why not, as we weren't quiet, but he kept a snoring), and waited a long time to get our "Mexican" breakfasts, so long in fact that our tour ended up having to wait for us and another table of people.

9 of us (plus guide and driver) in a van heading out to see the Terra-Cotta Warriors. Our tour-guide was a woman named Zsa-Zsa, "27, Female, and still single". She was great, full of information, excellent english and seemingly enjoying her job. It was great to be there and see the Warriors, especially in Pit One. Pit One has 6000 warriors in it, and 2000 of them are restored enough to be standing up on their feet and all looking in the same direction. You always hear how each of them has a different face, but when you are staring at 2000 of them, staring back at you, you really notice how individual they are, and it makes the whole thing quite intimidating. One thing I learned today is that the Emperor had them built slightly larger than life (by about 15-18%) so that they would be more intimidating in the after-life. He wanted to make sure he was in charge there too. Each one of them has at least some facial hair, even if it is just a creepy little mustache. What happened to that facial hair? I haven't seen very many Chinese men with any. Mine certainly inspires curiosity, lots of staring, asking to have pictures taken with me (no joke, happened twice in Beijing) or people just coming up and touching my earrings.

After the Warriors we went to see the Emperors tomb, but it is really just a tree covered hill and some park-land around it. They haven't started to excavate any of it, seems like the soil is quite poisonous (crazy Emperor being buried with LOTS of mercury - according to what we heard, over a thousand times more mercury in the soil than usual), and there are a lot of pits to work on. Zsa Zsa wasn't sure when it would begin.

Then we shared a lovely lunch with our tour-mates. A young man from England who quit the banking sector to travel (on the road for over a year), a couple of Americans who just spent 5 years in South Africa, and are taking a year to travel before their next jobs (they work for aid agencies), a Basque guy who was pretty quiet and three 20 something young american women who are doing a term of university in China to learn Mandarin.

After Lunch Zsa Zsa tried to convince us all to get dropped off to the East Gates of the old city, and walk back to the hostel at the south gates (about 13km), nobody but Morag and I wanted to, but Zsa Zsa didn't listen, the van stopped at the East Gate and she ordered us out, and was faced with a rebellion. No one would get out, not even us, so they drove us to a little gate halfway along and everyone got out there, but only M & I went up. We had a splendid walk up top, there were all sorts of displays - like giant dioramas - of Chinese culture and history, mostly about the New Year.

We had gone past all the festival displays and were at one of the Archer's houses (there is some building about once a kilometer) and we saw a little sign that said come see the museum. So we went in and there was this big multi-story museum buried right in the centre of the wall. It wasn't very informative, but they had all sorts of stuff they had found when they were fixing the wall up, and they had uncovered some of the first foundations and it was cool to see. We ended up back on the street and crossed under the wall to this park that runs along the moat. It was full of families having their afternoon walks, and lots of old folks exercising and gambling. Big crowds watching chinese chess, and playing this card game with long skinny cards. It took us all the way back to the south gate and the hostel.

Dinner, Dairy Queen, a search for a Pagoda down dark and scary streets, then a beer and now the day is done.

Oh, so that is what happens when everyone goes on vacation at once

2011-02-05T10:34:00.000-05:00

We thought we had it all under control. We were in X'ian, third big city on our adventure. Do what we want to here, and then head onto Chengdhu, no problemo.

Except, we were twitching about whether to go the Chengdhu or back to Suzhou, and then the woman at the hostel wouldn't book our train tickets for us, and then we went to the "ticket seller" and she was the meanest woman in the world and just kept pulling a "computer says no" on us and laughing in our faces, and then we got to the incredibly crowded train station (did you know there are 1.5 billion people here?) and the woman in the first two lines wouldn't or couldn't help us, there were no tickets available (our lack of Mandarin was a big negative), and Morag and I were almost yelling at each other, and then a woman sold us tickets for two days from now, and then about 15 minutes later we are walking down the street and realize our tickets take us to the wrong city (Suzhou and Xuzhou may be pronounced very differently in Mandarin but to our ears they seemed the same), so we head back to the train station again, and get the right tickets, but they are for 2 days later and they are on a slow train and we can only get hard seats and they leave at midnight and get there 24 hours later and waaaaaaah! A lot of people are traveling right now, and we want to go the same direction as them. Boo hoo, no Chengdu, but more X'ian and Suzhou, so ok. After the crowded train, mean woman, ticket fiasco we had a freaking excellent afternoon. We visited a wicked Pagoda and saw a huge bell, then we went to visit the biggest Mosque in China but instead get lost in the maze of alleyways in X'ian's Muslim quarter and it is like Blade Runner meets the Exhibition meets a claustrophobic's worst nightmare and we eat some DELICIOUS cold noodles with sesame and chili sauce and then some weird gelatinous rice goobers in chilies (not nearly as tasty as the noodles) and some alarmingly cute and dainty fried quail eggs on bamboo skewers and are thrilled and delighted. Now we are back at the hostel, have been kicked out of the bar and are sitting in the cafe and are a little bit drunk. An exhilarating day.

X'ian Wall

2011-02-05T10:29:00.002-05:00

In the youth hostel we just arrived at there is a beautiful golden retriever. I don't know what her name is, but i have been calling all dogs in china "chumley". I like that name, but Morag hates it. She says if I name our next dog Chumley she may kill me.

The youth hostel we are staying in today (and tomorrow and maybe the next day), is different than the one in Beijing, it is much bigger, and seems to be at least half Chinese families/travelers and not just hip western youth. It is right beside the old city wall, you walk out the front door and are faced with this 12 metre tall wall that stretches off into the pollution in both directions.

Forbidden City? Whatever!

2011-02-05T10:27:00.001-05:00

So on Saturday we tried to go to Mao's Tomb and The Museum of Chinese Culture, and they were still closed. Too bad for us.

You know, going through security into Tianamen, waiting with the dense crowd, grannies, little kids, whole families, then getting out into the square, well, I found it quite emotional. Standing there where the Students and the Tanks squared off, with all those people, who don't know what happened there, or won't or can't think about it, I got a little teary eyed. Maudlin maybe, but I did. It sure is impressive though, very huge, and down at the end, Mao, watching over it all.

So since they didn't want us going into the cultural hot spots around the square, we opted for the Forbidden City. The line up was quite long, but as we get to the end of it a young woman befriends us, and tells us there is a "back" way in, we just have to go through a gallery of art from her school, then into "The Workers Cultural Garden", then from there into the Forbidden City by a side gate. We didn't buy any of her art, though she had produced some lovely silk screened and lacquered plaques. She avoided the hard sell, just pointed us in the right direction.

Turns out that all we did was skip the line-up for the First Gate (and trust me, The Forbidden City has gates-a-plenty), we still had to buy tickets, and then go through another line up to get past the second gate and into the courtyard of the first Palace.

Let me make this clear, the place may be the size of a city, yes it might, but holy-moly cannoli, it isn't forbidden any more. More like the Come One Come All City. Soylent Green style crowded in there. At some of the doors/windows into the main Palaces it was crush-tactic. A perfect place for pick-pocketing, but no one tried.

Quick aside, I was having trouble believing that this is really a country of 1.5 billion people. Sohzou, and Beijing were like ghost towns - but by Saturday I began to believe, and after today, oh I certainly do, but more about that later.

So the Forbidden City (hah), is staggering. The scale of it. Mostly you are only allowed to walk down the central plaza's, one awe inspiring square with a Palace at the north end after another. Forgive me for not remembering names, but know that Prosperity, Good Fortune, Celestial and like-minded words were involved in the titles. You slowly make your way back to the big one, and then into the beautiful garden behind it. The place was packed, like the Ex almost. Most of the side palaces (and there are tons) were off limits, but on the east side of the final two main courtyards there were a collection of minor ones that were open. Lots of exhibitions of Jade and Gold, all in the small palaces and courtyards that were home to Concubines, and Dowager Empresses, and Princes. Only a fraction of these are open to the public, and after a while, not being a huge student of the minutia of Dynastic Chinese politics they all start to blur together.

Once we were out the backside of the Forbidden City (about 4 hours, and tons of poked kidneys) we crossed the road and went into Jianshing Park. According to what we read, the park which includes a great big hill with a great big Pagoda on top was built and landscaped primarily with the rock that was dug up to make the moat for the Forbidden city. The park was crowded too, but it was also very quiet and very pretty. We went up to the top (sore, very sore from the Wall on Friday still) and were treated to a lovely panoramic view of most of Beijing. Man what a big city, it stretched out in all directions as far as we could see through the pollution (the day had actually been clear until it cooled down in the late afternoon and the smog rolled in). I recommend this park to anyone visiting Beijing, it is a lovely break from the hustle and bustle, but you are still right in the heart of things.

We walked down along the east side of the F.C., through a neighbourhood we hadn't been through before, but the restaurant we were looking for was closed for the Holidays. Tired, dazed, and sore we ended up in the alley of our youth hostel where we found a totally cool restaurant. It was split into two buildings, across the alley from each other. They are owned and run by this guy who has lived in Beijing his whole life and loves the traditional small neighbourhoods. His pictures (big handmade large format camera) of the people of these vanishing areas were all around the restaurant, as were lots of pictures of him with famous people. But what really gave the restaurant it's beauty was how small, crowded, dirty and fucking full of life it was. The staff were all wearing their big winter coats, yelling, running around, the place was filled with local families, the food and dishes were being run back and forth across the alley, people had written all over the walls and there was a 1960's era propaganda opera film playing on this large screen TV, the woman looking oh so sincere singing about a red lantern, and through all this a little terrier was just wandering around. We bought some postcards of his prints, and if I am ever back in Beijing I will be heading right for that place.

From the restaurant we had a bit of an adventure getting to the train station for the over-night to X'ian. (Our fault entirely, we thought we knew better than a local, and then had Taxi-Pirates after us.) We were in a "hard" sleeper. which meant 6 beds squished into a train cabin. Tight, and full, and hard to sleep in, but I managed. Too bad about my snoring, but the guys up on the top bunks (sweltering hot) didn't sleep much anyways. One of them kept getting phone calls. We made X'ian by 8.30 and had something to eat at a filthy little restaurant crowded with people looking for breakfast, what we didn't know was that we had walked right by the shuttle for our hostle, waiting for us. We were in trouble when we finally got there.

Near Heart Attack on The Wall

2011-02-03T20:27:00.000-05:00

So I was up bright and early, talked to Canada, then waited for our ride to The Great Wall at Baidan. We were booked into a group trip, just us from our hostel, but there were already 3 other people in the car and we picked up 6 more from another one.

What a beautiful day for it, the sky was as clear as I have ever seen it in China (4 whole days of experience) the wind was brisk, the temperature cool, and the wall, torturously unbelievably almost impossibly hard to climb. Seriously, the wall you see with politicians and pop stars on it, is beautiful, smooth, clean and mostly flat. Where we were was straight up and down the sides of these mountains, and 3/4 of it was covered in broken tiles at best, and chunks of rubble and dead grass at worst. That said, what a rush! It was gorgeous, scenic, and peaceful. Once i realized I wasn't going to die of a heart attack (it took me almost 2 guard stations before my heart and lungs caught up with the rest of me,) I had such a lovely day. What an achievement that wall is, even the bits that were totally decrepit were still completely impressive. We had one more hill to climb when we cut out, the guide had told us to be back by 12.30, and the path was so steep and smashed up that we figured we didn't have time. Sadly (for my fragile male ego - I only made it by the heart attack stage by feeling like I had to beat the other older guys with us), 5 of the young-uns went flying by us and managed to go right to the end at the top of the next mountain. I guess them achieving that wasn't sad, but if I had known they were going to make us all 1.5 hours late leaving I would have gone on with them, I would like to have said i covered it all.

After they finally arrived back at the van we went for lunch in some weird deserted little village and they had two different kinds of Tofu and some delicious veggies. Lots of meat too, and one dish that was just tons of huge chunks of onion and some kind of smokey pork, once the pork was picked off the onions were nice. Some of the older Italian folks with us DID NOT enjoy the food, but everyone else did. One of the Italian girls who is living here tried to explain it by telling me that "once you have grown up on Italian food it is so hard to enjoy any other kind of cooking, you are spoiled" I noticed it wasn't stopping her dad, I think they were just old and crabby.

Once we got back to Beijing we drank coffee and then went and bought Morag's friend a nice Chinese cooking knife and listened to hundreds of thousands of more Fire Works. I am not exaggerating, hundreds of thousands.

Today it is Mao, Forbidden City and plenty of parks and temples, then a 12 hour overnight train ride.

On The Pain Meds

2011-02-03T20:16:00.003-05:00

I am so sore! All I did was walk yesterday, granted for 8 hours, but it was just walking.

We set off yesterday to see Mao's Underground City. It is about 10 blocks from The Forbidden City, easy walk right? However, the Street Names on the signs, and the street names on the Lonely Planet map don't match, and the lonely planet doesn't list all the alleyways, so there was plenty of wandering around looky dorky. This is a big city, this is an empty city right now. Tiananmen Square was practically empty, or so says Morag. We finally found the alleyway we wanted by accident. We saw some old guys getting ready to let off fireworks, and thought we would watch, looked around and there was a little sign with the name we were looking for. After all that though, the Under Ground City was closed, from the looks of it, for ever. TLP mentioned that they were doing some "research" down there a couple of years ago, I guess it never ended. It was in the totally decrepit falling apart mostly rubble neighborhood. Very Kung Fu style with the narrow doorways and tiled roofing, twisty turny and half of the buildings were just crumbly heaps. Here is my conspiracy theory take on the underground city. Mao had it built in a moment of OMGness and then 35 years later some bureaucrat notices that it is right smack under some old school neighborhood, seconds from the heart of downtown and he/she says, let the houses rot and fall apart, we can raze the whole thing, and put up apartments and malls, someone else says, what about the underground city, and everybody chuckles and says research, followed by a cave in. Too bad, I would have loved to have seen it.

All over the downtown, on walls, on the ground, on busses and phone booths are posters and stickers forbidding people from having fireworks and fire crackers, seriously, once or twice a block. That said, yesterday, New Year's Eve was CRACK-A-LICIOUS. It was like a free fire zone. In the distance the constant thud of mortars, all around us the rapid-fire crack of machine gun fire. The brightly colored tracer rounds skipping along the ground, and the pall of gun powder smoke over everything. These people LOVE fire crackers. The mortar rounds were about 15cm long and about as thick as a roll of twoneys. The whole thing lifted off the ground, about 15 storeys, and BOOM down come the enemy air craft. We were walking along this huge divided avenue, busses, cabs, scooters, bikes and about 8 middle aged men letting off Mortar after Mortar and giggling and giggling. They noticed us watching and many Happy New Years were passed back and forth. I video taped about 30 seconds of of a chain of fire works a poppin, and boy does it leave you sort of dazed. Dazed and stinky, everything covered by smoke.

After not finding the underground city we set about finding a Taoist temple. Looked pretty straight forward on the map, but in the 3 years since The Lonely Planet was printed someone has built a humongous highway and clover leaf type thing, and trying to navigate our way through it and find the tiny side street (which turned out to be a giant divided avenue) took about another hour and a half. We finally found a temple, but it was Buddhist. Beautiful, old, full of pagodas and different aspects of the Buddha, including one gorgeous wooden one that was 15m tall. The big Pagoda was really tall and impressive and all damaged. Still it wasn't the Daoist Temple we were looking for. So back onto the street, out of the quiet side neighborhood, onto a major thoroughfare and suddenly there was the Daoist Temple. Sadly, we had taken so long to get there that it was only half an hour from closing. Still we got to see some monks doing monkish things, lots more gigantic incense and tons of figurines of different Daoist deities. My understanding of Daoism has come from "The Tao of Pooh", so I found the whole pantheon confusing. After that we found a nice restaurant that made us some lovely vegetarian food (if you over look the ground pork mixed in with the tofu - we didn't, but we did pick it out.)

Seven hours of walking and checking stuff out. Cool.

Training for the future

2011-02-03T20:13:00.000-05:00

The train ride was interminable, on and on, grey pollution, farms, roads, people on scooters, some mountains, a little bit of the great wall flashing by. The best part was that it was a fast train, only taking 10 hours, we have a 40 hour train ride coming up next week. 40 hours! At least that is what the lonely planet guide books says. Morag says that we hope there is a fast train now, or maybe we don't go. I hope there is a fast train, because that is where the Pandas and the Giant Buddha are. Right now i am in the lounge of the youth hostel about 15 minutes away from Tiananmen Square. The hostel is in a warren of streets, tons of little shops, and boutiques, it reminds me a bit of Yorkville in Toronto, but not quite as rich, almost though (Well, i have done a bit more walking around since and some of it is certainly as chi chi as Yorkvill, bu then you go around a corner and it is totally run down and comfortable). Today we are planning to go to see some "underground" city that Mao had built in response to the space race or something, and then a Taoist temple for a New Years celebration. Tonight at the Youth Hostel they are having a new years party, and tomorrow we are going to see Tiannamen, or maybe the great wall depending on what they suggest at the hostel.

The Youth Hostel is deceptive. On the street it is just this little two story store front, but once you are in past the little store at the font there is a restaurant/lounge, a quiet eating room and then a block long courtyard with a pretend fountain and fake grass running down the middle. the rooms are off to the sides. there are private, semi-private or dorm rooms. We are in a semi private with a bathroom and shower. It was so cold last night, the heater was making noise, but not much heat. I woke up an hour and a half ago, and came out to Skype Nicci and Jemima, since then I have been letting Morag sleep and just sitting in the Lounge. There is "Get Him to The Greek" playing on the television (last night it was "Good Morning Vietnam"), I find that a bit depressing. I am going to wake Morag up and make her eat breakfast now.

Onna Train!

2011-02-03T20:10:00.000-05:00

I am on the high speed train from Suzhou to Bejing. It is super space age and quiet and floaty, and white and bullet shaped. It is very crowded, and very fast. I am getting used to the lack of personal space, and the culture of pushing in to line is livable, but the combination of the pushing and then the stubborn refusal to give up any ground is a bit much. The woman beside me right now is in my window seat. Fine, I am a good guy and she can have it, she was here first, but, she has her purse tucked in between her and the window, and it is a big purse. That means that half of her body is over on my middle seat (which should be her seat anyways). I am a big guy but right now a tiny woman is taking up one and a half seats and i am cramped. I keep trying to assert my right to the space, but she just shoves right back (in her sleep). Morag is across the aisle, in a little single window seat, completely trapped in by everyone's luggage that won't fit over-head so is piled up around her, it is like she is in a fort.

You really get a sense of how fast we are going when you pass a train headed in the opposite direction, just a blur of white blue and red and a humming noise.

Otherwise it is just flat, suburban, semi-rural houses and vegetable gardens, hydro lines, canals and grey grey pollution. It is something out of a dystopian novel, no bright lights, just flat grey air pollution that fades into a white wall at about 1km. Little Ms. Bony Bum and I are in for a long ride.

Onna Ground

2011-02-03T20:07:00.000-05:00

So the plane was on time, Immigration, customs and baggage retrieval worked like a charm, I followed the signs for the 'long range bus' and got a ticket without a hitch. Got on the bus and promptly fell asleep. So when I woke up and we were at a stop, and some people were getting off and some were staying on, and i was befuddled and sleep deprived and I had a bit of a panic attack. I breathed myself through it, figured that all would be well and went back to sleep. Turns out I was right, all was well, they kicked the rest of us off the bus in the centre of Suzhou. I managed to score a taxi, use the translations provided by Fang to let the taxi driver know where I was going, and she was SUPER helpful. Well, she only needed to be super helpful because she didn't really know where we were going, but she didn't give up, and eventually we found the right campus, and the guard at the gate was helpful and let her drive her taxi onto campus, and then these two international student women were helpful and used the Mandarin they had to convince the driver to do what I could not seem to convince her to do, which was drive south, and then who should come walking out of the darkness but Morag. I made it, I am in her room, I have eaten rice and greens, we have packed for tomorrow and now I am going to sleep for a while. I am one lucky fellow, people are really nice to me. Nicci and Jemima for letting me go, Joy for helping them out so that I could go, the woman beside me on the plane who answered my questions about where to find the bus at the airport, the nice guy across the aisle from me on the bus who told me to wait one more stop, the patient taxi driver and the happy gate guard, finally my super smart big girl for agreeing to put up with me. I am lucky.

Onna Plane!

2011-02-03T20:05:00.001-05:00

So we have just passed over the coastline to Russia. I can't see any frozen Tundra below me, just clouds, and it was dark when we went over the arctic ocean. I know it is a shorter route to go up and over, but it is so counter intuitive, I have spent my life looking at two dimensional maps, I have to keep checking the onscreen display and waiting for the 3-D version to come up. The picture in my head keeps reverting to the 2-D, go west over Canada and then the Pacific model. My row mate and I are sharing an empty seat, and the little girl behind me has just announced that we are more than halfway there. I have watched two films and had two naps so far. My lunch was vegetarian, but for dinner they brought me chicken salad, seems they have me down as a diabetic and not a veggie.I wish I could go back to sleep, but my rear end has beaten me to it, and is hogging the bed.

Now we are half an hour outside of Shanghai, my tubeless ear is busy popping, breakfast was tofu scramble, I slept for another couple of hours and watched another movie. Mongolia/Northern China was really snowy and empty looking, now it is crowded and chilly looking. My seat mate has been wonderful, much nicer than the stewardess who wouldn't get me a pen, look me in the eye or tell me what kind of Congee it was for breakfast. I have had the map display running for the last little while, and if Morag and I manage to do everything we have planned, we are going to cover quite a lot of ground.

I am not sure if this is going to work...

2011-02-03T19:22:00.000-05:00

I have linked into this blog through a proxy server on a free trial, so who knows, but so far it seems ok. I am going to try and post what I wrote on the plane and see if it goes up. Sadly there seems to be no way for me to link to pictures from inside here in my ipad. Oh well, if this works, i can do it from Morag's laptop when we get back to Sohzou. Which by the way i can not seem to pronounce properly.

Onna Move!

2011-01-30T11:46:00.004-05:00

So I am sitting in the airport in Toronto, waiting to board. A guy beside me must have just snuck a smoke in the bathroom, he reeks! The guy across from me sounds just like Albert Brooks (does not look like him), and is having a very long cell-phone conversation. N & J just left me, there were tears, then I went on the super express moving sidewalk, jebus but that thing moves. I lost my shaving cream to the security guys, and forgot to leave my cel-phone at home. I am sick, literally sick (cigarette man wasn't the only one stinking up the bathroom) with nervousness, excitement and regret. This will be the longest I have been away from Nicci in the last 10 years, and I have never been away from Jemima this long. That said, I get to hang out with the big girl, blow mind with Cool-New, and discover many new toothpastes. It will all be great

Going to China?!?

2011-01-25T21:58:00.001-05:00

So I am off to China in 4 days to visit the big girl. That is right, she is living and working in China, and I am taking advantage of Chinese New Year to go and visit her. I won't lie, I am freaked out. I don't know the language, (6 weeks of University Mandarin don't count), I am old and fat, and I will be leaving Jemima and Nicci. Yes, I am freaked out. On the plus side, it is 3 weeks away from work, it is a chance to see my daughter after 4.5 months, and a chance to see things I have been dreaming of seeing ever since I first laid eyes on National Geographic back at Dr. Knowles' office. If I have access to Internet I will try and post on here every couple of days and keep sort of a running journal of what is going on. Freaked out.

Epic Olympics

2009-09-23T13:30:00.002-04:00

So we had the olympics again. Like every year. Big thanks go to my Sister and her two daughters for doing the lion's share of the work. Everybody had fun.

Epic Fail

The whole point was to fill the bucket on the head with a ladle and then go and dump it into the bucket, as you can see, that was too hard for me. Now this picture shows me in all my middle aged, big bellied, grey haired glory, but notice the very attractive foot, nice lines, nice proportions. Yeah, I still have it.

Epic Cheat

It was a three legged race, nobody said that all 3 legs had to touch the ground. We won this event by the way.

The pressure was too much to bear.

Exhaustion, despair.

We Went Camping

2009-09-09T12:10:00.002-04:00

We certainly did. Same gang as the last 5 years. It was glorious. It was scary. It was well worth it. Sorry it has been so long since I was on here. More to come soon.

Aiee Yi Yi!

2008-06-05T12:10:00.005-04:00

I haven’t written anything on here for like a year. Dude! Not really sure why, I think being back at work took some of the fun out of it, not seeing the wee one all day is sort of depressing. Anyhow, so many of the blogs that I visit are up and vanishing that I thought I should post something here to keep it alive, at least until I finish grabbing the whole thing to make a book out of for N. I promised it to her as an Xmas gift and I still haven’t finished it. Bad husband bad. I also promised a complete detailing of the fridge, and I managed to stall on that until it up and died last month, then I had no choice; the repair guy could not see that mess.

The Girls

Big – Really big, really grown up, really getting ready to leave home, can’t believe it, off up north for a summer of working and then out to Waterloo for Nano-Engineering. I don’t know how I am going to deal with her being gone. Sure we are ready for the change in a lot of ways, we are rubbing each other the wrong way too often, we misunderstand each other all the time, I always seem to be making her mad, and if I really want to get her mad I just have to ask what is wrong, she is keeping more and more of her life private and I guess it has to happen sometime. But wahhh whahhh waaa, my baby, my first-born, 18 years of constant loving work, out the door. I am getting weepy just typing about it. She sure is tall and beautiful and confident though. You should see her drive off in the car by herself, or come breezing in at 2am from a party. So excited for her, so freaked out for me.

Small – Way bigger, way more grown up, way more trouble, way cuter. A walking talking bossing whining joking laughing loud infuriating 2.5 year old bundle of Jemima. Don’t really like to swear on here, but seriously, she is fucking great! Absolutely committed to pushing boundaries for herself, for us. Likes swimming lessons, visiting Riverdale farm, riding her bike, getting read stories while she is using the potty and taking stuff from her big sisters room. Dislikes sitting still at the table, being told what to do, sleeping in her own bed, being told what to wear, following orders of any kind. Seriously, she is two and a half and she has already perfected the blank, look at anything but me face when I am “talking” to her. This morning she was being a crud on the subway, clinging, crawling between peoples legs, yelling etc. when we got off at our station and I sat her down to tell her off, she avoided all eye contact, and kept trying to change the subject. If she isn’t doing that she is slowly blinking her eyes, or pretending I am not there. She is almost toilet trained and is preparing for 2 major life events. A big girl bed, and moving up to big kids at daycare, they are both still a bit off, but she is aware they are approaching.

The Woman –just finished her degree. Yay for the scholar. I am very proud – given my own scholastic history you wouldn’t think it would matter so much to me, but it makes me puff up my chest and want to brag. She has got herself a new job teaching hearing kids – which will be a big change, but nothing she can’t handle. We are going to spend this weekend cleaning up the garage. Why? Well because we know how to keep the romance alive.

Me
Same as always; in-love with the 3 of them, overweight, out of shape, and happy.

Enjoy the pictures.

Mine Mine Mine

2007-07-20T15:51:00.000-04:00

OK, the question should really be “What isn’t Jemima’s?” because according to her, everything is. No joke. “Mima’s chair”, “Mima’s keys”, “Mima’s car”, “Mima’s bed”, “Mima’s potty”, and on and on and on. It doesn’t matter if it is something you are using, if she gets her hands on it, it is hers. Even if you won’t let her have it, (like the red permanent sharpie marker this morning) she will stand there crying, insisting it is hers. We do our best, saying “ours” when she says “mine” and “share” when we hand her things. We are insisting on “please” and “thank-you”, and are trying to get the idea of turns across to her. She worked around that one fast enough; it is always her turn, whenever she wants something.

Enough with the motor vehicles already.

2007-07-20T15:50:00.000-04:00

I have spent the last 3 days, morning ‘til night, close-cropping motorcycles and 4 wheelers for a new website. If I see one more dirt-bike I am going to squeal. I turned them all into tiny little navigation button images this morning, so hopefully the job is now out of my hands, and sitting happily with the flash developers. Who would have thought that spokes could raise the blood pressure so.

Toothpaste of the Month July 2007

2007-07-20T15:47:00.000-04:00

Babool Toothpaste.

From the fine folks at Balsara Group who bring you the fine ayurvedic toothpaste Meswak comes July 2007s Toothpaste of the month. Babool. With the smiling happy nuclear family on the bright grean box, and the slogan “Begin a great day, the babool way” how could one possibly resist? According to the Balsara Group, Babool Toothpaste is

Babool Toothpaste is a natural toothpaste containing the ayurvedic and medicinal benefits of the Babul tree, 'Acacia Arabica'. The Babul herbal extract in Babool Toothpaste helps prevent swelling & bleeding of gums, keeping gums healthy and teeth strong.

I will concur with them on this. My gums haven’t been swelling or bleeding since I started using it, and I opened a really seized glue tube with my teeth last week and there was nary a broken one. This is a white, almost gel like paste with an upper-mid foaming level and a pleasant minty flavour. I don’t have to worry about medicine cabinet breath after using Babool, and being all white it doesn’t leave marks all over the wall and sink and mirror. (The teenager’s braces are bugging her so she has been using the Red Toothpowder and it looks as if the wall has broken out in acne.)

I can’t say my days have been any greater since using Babool, but they certainly haven’t been any worse. Please get yourself a tube, and give it a try. Like they say “Spreading Smiles Across the Miles”. Babool, July 2007s Toothpaste of the Month.

The Plane! The Plane!

2007-07-20T15:43:00.000-04:00

We may live in an upper-income part of the city right now, but that doesn’t stop it being under the flight path that planes use while waiting to land at Pearson Airport. I think we are right at the bottom west edge of the path because during the day there is a plane banking to the north east over our heads about once every 3 minutes. I am not complaining about it, they aren’t that noisy (way up high), and it blends into the background pretty quickly. Compared to being in Parkdale during the airshow it is nothing. Nothing to grown-ups maybe, but to someone who is 19 month old and curious about everything, it is pretty cool. She doesn’t mention every plane, but certainly each one she can hear, "plane, plane" and she is always looking for them, even in the house. She also likes differentiating between cars and trucks simply by the sound. She won’t even look out the window, just be sitting there “truck” or “car” depending. I love her.

Make your ears bleed.

2007-07-20T15:36:00.000-04:00

I have been visiting this blog called Blood Is Truth and they have tons and tons of music available. It is mostly of the Drone, Doom, Black, Noise kind, but then they go and throw some folky stuff in to mess you up. Today I went there and they had tons of Leonard Cohen up. I would rather listen to hours of hateful Japanese Noise Noise than even a minute of Leonard Cohen, but it takes all sorts I guess.

This person has almost too much free music. Blues, Country, Hillbilly, Rock-a-Billy, and on and on. Seriously, give it a look and see if there isn’t at least one thing you like.

If you dig complete-ism then this fellow is for you. If you think one album by a band is enough, try all of them. It is pretty impressive, and a little awe-inspiring that he puts so much up. Lots of 80s and 90s stuff. Make sure to check out the archives. I have grabbed the NOMEANSNO discography from here this week.

Look how little she was.

2007-06-28T13:17:00.000-04:00

I just found this on a backup disc, while looking for "for rent" signs. Wasn't she little? This was only a year ago. I love her

Toothpaste of the Month June 2007

2007-06-28T12:17:00.001-04:00

Vicco Vajradanti Herbal Toothpaste.

Let’s let the fine folks at Vicco Laboratories speak for themselves shall we?

“This is nature's perfect dental care programme. The pure extracts of 20 herbs and barks, tested over generations, have been blended into a potent combination that not only cleans teeth, but also protects and strengthens them.

Vicco Vajradanti offers this unique formula in a dental care paste that has natural astringent, antiseptic, and analgesic properties. These ingredients also stimulate and reinforce gums, while resisting plaque formation. It gives you strong gums, which make your bite mighty, which no cosmetic toothpaste can ever give.

Due to proven medicinal properties of its active ingredients, the Government has permitted manufacturing of Vicco products under Ayurvedic Drug License.”

Enough already, the simple fact of the matter is that Vicco Vajradanti Herbal Toothpaste, June 2007’s Toothpaste of the month, is the bomb! Seriously, this stuff is the shit! It is my favourite toothpaste bar none. Oh sure, there are others I have dallied with, Gopal Toothpowder with it’s sandblaster grade grit, some homemade stuff from my friend Yanni that looked like heroin and was so minty it hurt, an early nineties affair with Tom’s of Maine, but no toothpaste love of mine has endured for this long, or this firmly.

A mid-foaming paste of a pale chalky pinkish colour, it has a whole bouquet of flavours that bring to mind fine Indian Sweets, but without the sweetness. A seasoned toothpaste traveler, or a nervous newbie may easily appreciate it. The many flavours make this the kind of paste you can return to daily without getting bored. One caveat though, make sure you check the best before date on the box, sometimes shifty retailers will try and pass off old stock on us North Americans, and it has a tendency to dry out and go really stiff. I have had more than a few tubes burst while trying to squeeze some out.

One more thing, the Vicco Vajradanti powder should NOT be confused with the paste. It is a professional grade tooth-cleaner, and must be treated with respect. Really it will make you heave if you put too much on your brush.

Vicco Vajradanti Herbal Toothpaste, June 2007’s Toothpaste of the month. My favourite!

The Potty.

2007-06-22T17:20:00.000-04:00

She who takes her shoes off every chance she gets has been experimenting with the potty. At first she showed no interest. We left it outside her room. We talked about it. We mentioned when we were going potty, and let her check the action out. She just didn’t care. Then one day we were reading “My Potty for Girls” when she announced “mima potty”. Off came the diaper, down went the bum and out came the poop. Sweet! We played it cool, didn’t make a big deal and over the next week she used the seat about 6 or 7 times. Her enthusiasm seems to have cooled somewhat of late, but she did use it again 2 nights ago, and she mentions it regularly. I don’t expect her to give up the diapers any time soon, but it is nice to see her interested.

Shower!

2007-06-22T17:18:00.001-04:00

She, who trips a lot and giggles insanely when the dog tries to lick her, HATES the shower. She didn’t always hate the shower. In fact she has showered with me since she was about 4 months old and until recently seemed to like it. Once she was able to stand on her own I would put her down on the floor of the tub and let her play with her toys while I did my own washing. Then she started not liking it, then she started hating it and screaming to get out and finally she became terrified of the whole thing. This has been going on for a month or so now and shows no signs of abating. It seems to weigh on her mind for much of the day. We will be walking along when out of nowhere she will say something like “mima no shower, mima bath” and I will have to respond with a quick “that’s right, Jemima takes a bath, Daddy showers, Madgy (her name for N right now) showers, Morag showers, but Jemima takes a bath.” If I wait too long to give an affirmative response she get really nervous and whiney and clings to my leg. When she is having her bath she will suddenly look up at the showerhead and shiver and say “mima bath”, if I even reach for the tap, she either tries to hide or grabs my hand and says “no.” She isn’t opposed to other people showering. This morning in fact she made quite a nuisance of herself by standing there with the shower curtain open, dripping water all over the floor, talking to me while I showered. When I finally took the curtains away from her, and her mother carried her bodily from the bathroom there were many tears.

She is crazy for the kissing.

2007-05-30T14:02:00.000-04:00

Teenage Death Glare!

2007-05-30T13:58:00.000-04:00

Highway 400, southbound, huge - hideous even – diaper explosion, pull over just north of Barrie to change it. Teenager goes to sit in grass, far away from rancid odour. She looks fabulous with the barn in the background and pictures are taken. She notices the photographing, tries to hide and then unleashes her most deadly glare.

Look closely only if you dare.

N’s Birthday

2007-05-30T13:56:00.001-04:00

N celebrated her 36th birthday a couple of weeks back, and this last Sunday we went to the home of the ever fabulous JJ and stupendous Angela for brunch with them, and some friends. It was great. Our friends are so nice to us, and there were 2 other kids there. They were both older than Jemima, but after she finished being shy a good time was had by all. Mostly the big kids ignored her, and she tried to wear shoes that were WAY too big for her. Just as we were getting ready to go she had a little strawberry eating time with Isabelle on the stairs. Happy Birthday N, I love you!

My Brother, his Son...

2007-05-30T13:43:00.000-04:00

My Brother

His Son

The Teenager and My Mother

Toothpaste of the Month May 2007

2007-05-30T13:28:00.000-04:00

Have you ever cleaned paintbrushes in an enclosed space, and after a while the smell of the Varsol gets so strong that you can taste it? Keep that flavour in mind while I introduce you to Eagle Brand No.1 Tooth-Powder White – May 2007s Toothpaste of the Month.

An exciting blend of Thymol, Menthol, Camphor, Benzoic Acid, Calachagi (?), Eucalyptus Oil, Phenol, Lemongrass Oil and Kaolin; this very fine – soft even – white powder comes in a baby blue container with a trippy toothy logo. The container is easy to open, and has an inner lid to avoid spillage. However, the opening is a little too small to get the head of the toothbrush in, so if you want a good coating you have to tip it out on your brush, causing that spillage they were trying to avoid. The flavour is a mix of the aforementioned paint thinning chemical stew and good old-fashioned dust/dirt. This is the first powder where I can really notice the taste of the base. It reminds me of the smell of dusting the top of bookshelves. Not only does the taste of this powder come with great challenges, but I find it has a tendancy to effect the tastebuds for hours after, making other things taste different. I am not making it sound all that appealing - and to be honest – it isn’t. But it does a great job of cleaning your teeth, and the container is fun to look at. My guess is that the Menthol and Camphor taste in this powder will have long evaporated before I can finish the whole batch. It is worth a try if you are feeling up to a bit of oral adventure. With the attractive price of $1.69, how wrong can you go? You can probably find it in an Indian/Pakistani grocery store. I got mine at Iqbals Halal Foods.

Eagle Brand No.1 Tooth-Powder White – May 2007s Toothpaste of the Month.

Girls Girls Girls & Me

2007-05-01T14:52:00.000-04:00

The Missus
She who holds my heart is busy looking for a job, so stressful. Sure, she is guaranteed some sort of employment through the school board, but you want to make sure you get into a good school with interesting work to do. Yikes, I don’t envy her. She even had to go and buy new clothes to look presentable for interviews. On top of that stress, she had people over on Saturday night and her mom and stepfather for dinner last night. Talk about piling it on to yourself. I did what I could to help. The teenager and I assisted in cleaning; I cooked dinner for the in-laws. This kind of thing weighs heavily on N’s mind though and there has been plenty of teeth grinding during the night. The situation doesn’t show much sign of letting up until the end of June rolls around and school is out. When she isn’t fussing about new jobs, and how messy the house is she is making movies and year book pages. One of the reasons I love her so, she can go, go, go. I only wish I had seen more of her when her thyroid was hyperactive and she could really get it done.

The First Born
She who I love dearly has had train-tracks re-installed on her teeth. You know, we started the whole dental correction thing nice and early with her. She first got braces back when she was 9, and she had surgery, and head expanders and the whole nine yards. Now it is back to the braces with the possibility of more surgery on the horizon. Poor girl, poor pocket-book. The braces look so uncomfortable, and they are cutting the inside of her mouth up something awful. Her driving lessons seem to be going well, and she exhibited more confidence when we drove to the grocery store last weekend. She recently did an audition for a scholarship at the Royal Conservatory of Music. She said it went OK, but I don’t think she has heard back from them yet. Her end of the school years stuff is starting up: rehearsals in the evenings, essays, studying. When I was in grade 12 I dealt with stress of school-work by just not doing it, she has a much better ethic than I ever did.

The Weiner Wonder
Where do I start with she who I simply cannot get enough of? First let us speak of the “huh” It seems like the word “yes” requires too much work and at all times can be replaced with the grunt “huh”. There are gradients of “huh” as well. It can mean a simple yes, or it can be stretched out a bit when one isn’t quite sure what is being asked, but feels as if an affirmative is necessary. For instance, “Mina, do you want Jam or Syrup on your French Toast?” “huuhh”. You can also double it up to “huh-huh” with a smile when something is mildly amusing. She isn’t the only one in the huh club either, I have heard at least two other kids at the daycare using it (Rebecca, Eli, I am looking at you.)

She is working on using two or more words together rather than just single nouns or verbs. No longer is it just “bye-bye”, now we get “bye-bye bed”, “bye-bye pee”, and “bye-bye good dog”. Last night there was “no eat”, “no bed” and “more book please”.

She isn’t eating well. She used to be a great (meaning not picky) eater. No longer, she was sick back in January/February and went off food. Her palate has never recovered. Sure there are days when she will eat a lot, but she is very particular now about what she will eat, and if you manage to sneak something she doesn’t like into her mouth it will all come horking out and then she makes a big dramatic show of scratching her tongue to get the offending flavour off. Mango, Lychee and Blueberry are always winning flavours, and cottage cheese is pretty much fine. Baked beans and rice cannot miss, and cheese and crackers goes over well most times. Only green grapes now, no red thanks and zucchini counts as assault.

She is experimenting with temper tantrums. If something isn’t going her way, flailing, howling and purple faced tears are soon to follow. It looks disarmingly real, but as soon as she gets what she wants the symptoms tend to vanish. She even threw one on the sidewalk last week, lying by the car, screaming “no”, causing her mother much embarrassment, and passers-by consternation.

And Me
I am suffering from a return of my dodgy ear and should make a Doctors appointment sooner than later.

As the warm weather arrives I find it is time for shorts and sandals. However with the return of warm weather gear comes the return of my annual cracking heels. Within 2 days of wearing the sandals for the first time I had 3 and 4 cm cracks all the way down through callous to live flesh on both my heels. The problem is easily remedied with the application of copious moisturizer, and the wearing of socks to bed, but until healing takes place I can’t wear the sandals. I will not wear shoes and socks with shorts, which means I am in long pants no matter what the temperature. Woe is me.

I am still loving my new job and really dig being downtown.

I have to book some time to go and work on our Parkdale house. Gussy up the yard for spring and all. Our place uptown has just had the basement water-proofed, which entailed ripping up all the shrubs along the base of the wall. The yard looks loads neater because of this, but it does make the remaining hedge look even more threadbare and unhealthy. I think I will try giving it more water this summer and see if that improves its health.

My extended diet of all thinks death/grind/black/gore metal seems to be having an influence on my feelings about humanity. I find nihilistic/misanthropic feelings creeping up on me regularly. I have been attempting to counteract this with healthy doses of Prince this week. As long as I am “getting all purple” things look up, but within an hour of my leaving Paisley Park I find myself wishing for the big red reset button. “Wipe the slate clean” the voices whisper.

I have been using a new toothpowder this week that has a taste that defies all reckoning, and has a prolonged effect on the flavour of other foods during the day. Stay tuned for this month’s toothpaste feature.

Pigeon Post Part Three

2007-04-20T17:12:00.000-04:00

Life must be really hard for pigeons.

The one across the alleyway from me has disappeared. I am assuming she has met an unpleasant end. Why else would she sit on her eggs so diligently and then just up and vanish? Oh the brutal struggle that is life in this cold uncaring city.

A couple of other pairs of pigeons have stopped by to check the nest out, but haven’t taken up residence. I am guessing that the eggs are still in it, and are probably dead and nasty by now.

The pigeon corpse on the roof of the bathhouse is starting to show it’s age. It is decidedly unkempt and shriveled. I guess the warmer weather is having an effect.

If you ask me what I think of pigeons I would probably reply – unthinkingly – something along the lines of “rats with wings”. But once I start to think about it, they aren’t so bad. The purple sheen in their neck and on their head is beautiful. The way the males puff up their neck and then do their goofy looking mating dance is fun to watch. And anything that can prosper in as many unfriendly places as they do is worthy of a bit of respect. Sure, I don’t want them landing on my head, or cooing outside of my window at 5:30 AM, but I have decided I am going to cut them a bit more slack.

Toothpaste of the Month April 2007

2007-04-20T17:04:00.000-04:00

Monkey Brand Black Toothpowder.

Close your eyes and imagine this. Charcoal, ground to a fine powder. Vicks Vapor Rub, in all it’s eye watering, nasal clearing goodness. Now imagine these two things together, in your mouth!

Monkey Brand Black Toothpowder – April 2007s Toothpaste of the Month.
Sure, at first imagining, Charcoal plus Vicks Vapor Rub may not sound too appetizing; and I will admit that it is an acquired taste. Once you have acquired the taste though, and the ability to stomach the gritty, dry, gagging texture, you have a toothpaste that gets your mouth clean like no other. It is a bit like sandblasting the gunk off your teeth. They are really squeaky clean after the rinse. And believe it or not, it is both a whitening toothpaste and an Ayurvedic Medicine! Oh Monkey Brand has it’s down side, the spatter of black dried spit that coats the sink and walls, the aforementioned texture and the container that is strangely hard to open. Don’t let that deter you though, sweep those negatives aside. Join the Monkey Crew and get your teeth clean in a way you never imagined before.

Monkey Brand Black Toothpowder - April 2007s Toothpaste of the Month

Screaming with joy

2007-04-04T12:25:00.000-04:00

actually, right here she is screaming with Isabelle while they enjoy a play date.

and here she is visiting with her great aunt Sue.

Pigeon Post Part Two

2007-04-04T12:23:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of a dead pigeon that has been lying on the roof of the bathhouse behind our building for at least a month. It blows around in the wind, but it is doing very little rotting. Even on warm days it seems unchanged. Its poor little feet are still a reddish colour. Even the gulls don’t seem interested. This is what happens when you live in a city in the northern latitudes, not enough life around. If we were in the tropics or on the equator that body wouldn’t have lasted a day.

Speaking of pigeons, the one outside my window is still there, sitting patiently on her nest. She leaves every once and a while, I guess to grab a bite to eat, and when she comes back she gets on the nest SO carefully. It is like watching an elephant try to balance on teacups.

Nicci is Gone

2007-04-04T12:21:00.000-04:00

N has absconded on a school field trip for 4 days. She was freaking out about leaving Jemima for that long, and though I played all cool and “been there, done that,” I must admit to being a little nervous myself. So far (third day and counting) it is going flawlessly. Grandma is picking her up at daycare each afternoon, big sister or I hurry home and take over and the bedtime routine carries on as normal. The only big differences are that falling to sleep on a milk free stomach seems to take about 20 minutes longer, and each morning there has been a little screaming fit when she realizes her mom isn’t in bed with me. Both the daughters are troopers. I don’t think I could have handled it this well without the big one, she is a calming influence and it is way easier to walk the dog leaving the baby at home. The biggest issue for me is missing N. Who would think that not having a comforter hogging bossy pants at home would be a sad occasion, but it is. I am a sucker for that woman. I love her.

Socks, Lies, and Hoarding The Grapes.

2007-04-04T12:18:00.000-04:00

So the wee one loves to say socks when you are putting them on. She also loves to say shoes, clock, cow and tons of other words. It is like she is adding an addition on to the word centre of her brain right now. She tries to learn about half the words you say to her. Most only get one or two tries, but some stick around. My parents just spent the weekend with us and their dog is named Xotchi (pronounced zahchee), and that one has stuck, probably because she really likes the dog. Clock is a hit too, and somehow she has managed to figure out that digital clocks, hand clocks and watches are all “clocks” which means it is a word you can use over and over.

Get this; the wiener has been caught lying twice now. Not bad given that despite the constant babble and parroting she is barely speaking. We were riding home in the car last week and I was feeding her fruit leather. She had a mouthful and a handful but turned to me and asked for more. I said, finish what you have and I will give you more, at which point she transfers the leather to her other hand, covers it with her fist and holds up the empty hand and tells me “all gone”. The nerve! Last night she came home from daycare with her grandma and pulled a fast one on her too. When her mom brings her home they have dinner in the high chair, then they have a bath and then they go into the bedroom to watch a little bit of TV, finish dinner and get into the pajamas. Well last night they are just in the door when her majesty takes her grandmother off to the bedroom and tells her “Dora Dora Dora”. No mention of the food or the bath, just the Dora. What a trickster.

I was making breakfast for everybody on Sunday morning and it was just the bairn and I in the kitchen. To keep her from getting underfoot I handed her a bowl full of green grapes and told her to sit. I got busy and when I next looked down she was standing there with an empty bowl it had been too fast for her to eat them all, so I figured the dogs got lucky. Imagine my surprise when about 3 minutes later she opened the cupboard door and pulled out a green grape. She took a bite, put the rest back in the cupboard and closed the door.

Mango is the new Lychee

2007-03-28T17:01:00.000-04:00

The girl had her first properly ripe Alphonso mango this morning. Needless to say, she LOVED it. “apple” “more apple” “more”. There were no lychees to compare to, but I pretty sure that they would have come in second. We have another to eat at breakfast tomorrow and we will work at learning to say "mango" rather than apple.

Toast – We don’t need no stinking toast.

2007-03-28T16:56:00.000-04:00

The girl has decided that toast is not to be eaten. Toast is simply a carbohydrate based delivery mechanism. It is there to get the jam or cream cheese or marmite off your plate and into your mouth. The desired topping can be sucked off the toast and the refuse tossed to the waiting dog. Cream cheese is also very good for getting on the end of your finger and then applying to your hair or ear.

Pigeon Post

2007-03-27T16:45:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of the pigeon that is right across the alleyway from my window at work. I watched her and her mate carefully build the nest all last week and now she sits there all day. I haven’t seen the mate around for the last few days, but I was pleasantly surprised that he (I am guessing he, but who knows with pigeons and their alternative ways) helped build the nest. I didn’t know that pigeons shared the family work at all. I am watching closely for when the eggs hatch.

Work Space

2007-03-27T16:35:00.000-04:00

Here are some pictures of the agency I am working at now. I am posting them up for Heidi who doesn’t really believe that we have an indoor slide and fire pole. Here is visual proof. I have had the images in Photoshop, but I swear they aren’t faked. I have not tried the slide, but I have sat in the bleachers. Not included is a shot of the fake hot tub TV Watching/Meeting Space.

I may be at a new agency, one all full of cool Queen St. downtown hip, but I am still just a button monkey working on shilling beer. Before it was Molson brands, now it is Labatts. The work here is a bit more challenging which is good, and there is an Island Foods within easy walking distance, which is great.

The fire pole and rotating sign

The slide, note the skid marks as people try desperately to slow down.

The bleachers - good for meetings.

My veal pen.

Kids Germs and Ills

2007-03-27T16:21:00.000-04:00

Little Miss Talkalot brought a cold home from Daycare on Friday. All weekend long with the snotty nose and the bad mood, last night hardly sleeping at all. I know it is good for her immune system to have to handle all this and as long as it doesn’t give her an ear infection or spread on to the rest of us it is fine. Unfortunately in this case the Teenager and I seem to have caught it. I have a very sore throat and a fuzzy head right now. The head might be from the scotch I drank last night, but not the throat. Let’s all hope that this cold stays out of her ears. The last couple have had her howling and taking antibiotics. You know with the Teenager it always went straight to her lungs, a simple daycare cold meant at least a week of hacking and coughing and wheezing, herbal tea, ventolin and sleepless nights. Now it is the ears. Maybe the next kid will have a bad gut and it will be night after night of poopy pants.

Speaking of the Teenager she has celebrated her 17th birthday, and begun her in-car driving lessons. Congratulations to her. She is teaching herself all about chocolate making right now, so for her birthday I got her a candy thermometer and a book of fancy chocolate recipes. She is having trouble getting consistent results in the melting department and anyone with suggestions should leave them as comments on here and I will make sure she gets them. I took her out for Sushi and to the Symphony the night after her birthday. The dude in front of us was a total “shhhhh” monster. He was poking talkers, giving them the skunk eye and generally being an uptight killjoy. Oh well, the music was nice and neither of us fell asleep.

Speaking of speaking. Lord can that little girl yack. Not only is she trying out new words everyday but also she is occasionally stringing some together, and she is starting to get inflection. She uses a very different no when she is goofing around – sort of a nahhh! – than when she is serious – no! with lots of headshaking. If she likes you, or something you are doing you are a “good girl” or sometimes a “good dog”. Diaper, apple, bird, and book are the top 4 right now. This morning she tried out “wife”. She was close.

She runs now, and doesn’t fall too much. She does a little happy dance if she is excited and if she really wants to eat something you have she says “sit” sits down and crosses her legs. I guess it is a daycare thing. Her favourite food right now is frozen blueberries, but that is because you can’t get lychees at the moment. Her favourite activities are reading, nursing, kissing the dog, worshipping her sister and brushing her teeth. She has had her first haircut, walked around a farm, and, we discovered with some shock, that she drinks from a bottle. She never has at home, but her mom walked into the daycare last week and there she was boozing it up from a blue baby bottle.

N is going away for 3 nights 4 days next week and is very nervous about leaving the baby. I wasn’t at first but it is starting to rub off on me. Luckily the Teenager will be at our place next week, and N’s mom is going to help out by doing the afternoon pick up. I know it will be fine, but it will be N & J’s first time apart, and J’s first long period without nursing. I feel sorry for the two of them; it is going to be stressful.

I have included the last rather unattractive picture of the wee one leaving the daycare because if you look in the upper right corner you can see a picture of her sister when she was at the daycare. Circle of life or what?

Am I lucky or What?

2007-03-13T16:37:00.000-04:00

Toothpaste of the Month February-March 2007

2007-03-13T16:24:00.000-04:00

Ok, this month we have a double header to make up for the fact that I let everyone down last month and didn’t meet my toothpaste deadline. Two from Colgate; a winner and a loser.

The Winner
Colgate Tooth Powder with Super Shakti and Calcium.
A fine bright white powder; high on the foaming and taste scale, low on the abrasive. This almost talcum fine minty powder has the power to surprise and please; strong enough to brighten even a cigarette or coffee deadened pallet, but no nasty grit on the tongue. At our house and the cottage it has been a hit with users both young and old. Unlike many of the heavily coloured powders it also has the added bonus of not leaving unsightly stains on the sink or walls. This toothpowder has recently had a re-launch in India and I notice they have added a “NEW” splash and lost the “Super Shakti” too bad. Colgate Tooth Powder with Super Shakti and Calcium – February-March 2007s Toothpaste of the Month.

The Loser
Colgate 2in1 Icy Blast Whitening Liquid Gel
I admit it, I am a sucker for sparkly things, and they don’t call me “magpie” for nothing! I bought this because I thought it would look pretty on my toothbrush. No such luck. It looks dull and drab, it is about as Icy as a day in June, the texture is ooze-a-riffic, and my teeth are no whiter. They still make the stuff, but I am not sure why. Colgate 2in1 Icy Blast Gel - February-March 2007s Stink Paste of the Month.

A Request
While I have you in a toothpaste mode, maybe you can help me, if anyone has ever seen this for sale anywhere in the GTA could they please let me know? One of my favourite toothpastes of all time is the Japanese Roasted Eggplant and Salt and I would love to compare this to it. Thanks.

Lousy with Lychee Love

2007-03-13T13:35:00.000-04:00

The girl, she loves the Lychee. Can’t get enough of the Lychee. It used to be that she loved the Grape, and don’t get me wrong she still does, but that love is weak compared to the love of the Lychee. She can have a grape in hand, ready to devour, but it will be cast aside, like yesterday’s news should she see a Lychee. One peak at the reddish brown bumpy skin and the fingers start flying and the lips start flapping “More More More”.

She pretty much feels the same way about frozen blueberries (wait until she tries real ones come blueberry season). I was getting something out of the freezer this morning and all of a sudden there was a little hand clutching my calf, and a little voice “More More More”. I offered her an ice cube, the cold pack and was at a loss until I took a peak from her sightline and could see the blueberry container. What a great baby.

Underwhelming

2007-03-05T18:04:00.000-05:00

My performance on this blog has been underwhelming. Sketchy posting, sketchy writing, poor punctuality.

My Toothpaste of the Month performance has been very underwhelming, don't worry though, I will do a double of March to make up for it. Hopefully by this weekend.

My health was underwhelming for part of January and most of February. A month of an on again off again series of infections culminated in full on pneumonia, and being bed ridden for 5 days. Great way to start a new job eh? Show up for one day, spend most of it puking in the bathroom and then disappear for 5 working days. Can’t say I’m not smooth. Speaking of underwhelming health, my stupid old arm is still hurting. Carrying around your baby can give you a very sore arm. This didn’t happen the first time around, mind you I was 16 years younger.

My poor baby daughter has a genetic disposition to an underwhelming booty. I being of sound body and mind hereby will my daughter Jemima enough of my estate to have cosmetic surgery on her ass if she so chooses once she reaches the age of 18. You can all be my witnesses on that one. The poor thing seems to have picked up all of the unpleasant attributes of my body shape, from the protruding belly to the not just flat, but almost concave arse. Let’s hope she gets some good stuff from her mom.

The bagel I just ate was decidedly underwhelming. Stale and dry. The cheddar was nice and tangy though.

Overwhelming

2007-03-05T16:53:00.000-05:00

My big daughter finally got around to signing up for drivers lessons. She has also been giving serious thought to which University she will be going to after next year. That left my head spinning.

The wee one is kicking the backwards walking the last few days and is progressing into running forwards. The running is fraught with danger though and there have been several face and headplants into stationary objects.

My little daughter has mastered the words “shoe”, “thank-you”, “sock” and “poo”.

Speaking of poo, she has successfully signed that she has “pee’d” a couple of times (even though she had actually pooed), and the congratulations have gone to her head. Now anything to do with her nether regions, or diapers, or just not wearing pants is an occasion to both sign and say “Pee” It goes on and on, that and “Hot”. Everything can be and is hot; from the oven, to N’s nipples, from my coffee to the icy cold back window. It doesn’t matter what the temperature of the object in question is, just how she feels about it.

My beloved friend Angela bought me a new iPod! You read right, Angela D of Front Door Organics (please feel free to sign up for their wonderful service if you live in Toronto), took pity on me, and bought me an iPod with her air miles. Is she great? Oh Yeah! This happened back on New Years, so it isn’t exactly fresh news, but every time I press play, every time I look at it’s pretty pinkness, every time I listen to a podcast, just about every day, I am overwhelmed by her kindness. Wait though, there is more; while I was incapacitated with illness, her beloved (JJ) had left us a big container of homemade soup. I tell you, these women are too good to us. Yay for Angela and JJ.

My new job is pretty great. Sure it is basically just the same thing I have been doing since the late 80’s, but it is all-new at the same time. I am downtown, which is exciting and invigorating. I get to walk to work from the daycare every morning, down through UofT and Spadina; some of my favourite bits of the city. The commercialization of this hunk of Queen can’t wash away all the good memories I have from hanging out around here. I am working with a mostly all new crew, but there are enough people I have worked with before to make it comfortable. Yes, a change is as good as a rest, and I am feeling quite rested in regards to work.

I have been doing the crossword every day on the subway on the way home. I know this isn’t a shocking thought, but I really am getting better. I have enjoyed crosswords on and off for about 10 years, but while I was sick I watched the documentary “Wordplay” about the NY Times crossword and the nerds who take if very seriously. I was inspired. I bought a Times on a Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and just like they mentioned in the film, it got harder each day. Monday I finished on the trip home. Tuesday’s I almost finished by Wednesday afternoon and Wednesdays was a washout. I can’t even imagine the Friday and Sunday ones. So rather than buy a NY Times everyday I am taking the one out of the Globe and Mail here at work. It is hard in its own way. Because it does double duty as a cryptic and a regular it has few clues but really long answers. So if I miss a word or two it has a deleterious effect on the rest of the puzzle and my chances of finishing it. I did manage to finish the jumbo Saturday one by Sunday evening this week though. I want to be able to whoop my Mom at them by this summer.

I am assuming all but the most confirmed metal heads would be Overwhelmed by how much metal I have been listening to. Most of the Lounge Music blogs I used to frequent have dried up, so it has been on to the Underground Metal blogs. Grindcore, Deathmetal, Blackmetal, Stonermetal, Powermetal, Thrashmetal, Doommetal, and all the different subgenres that you can make up from them. Metal Metal Metal. (I am not responsible for any offense you might take at some of the content of these blogs - you have been warned.) I never liked it as a teen, but for the last 3 years of so I have been rocking it. If you want to find some, go to blogspot.com and do a search through their blogs. Just plain Google doesn’t always work. I am still rocking the Lounge though; I found a great Blog this morning that had a couple of Enoch Light albums, and some Hammond Organ albums and other great stuff. Gotta keep it mixed up eh?

Crap, I have to get to work now.

More soon.

Holy Crap do I ever love this couple!

2007-01-31T14:13:00.000-05:00

So true, breath catching
heart overflowing with love
they make life better.

We Are Sick!

2007-01-31T13:52:00.000-05:00

Man, are we sick.

Sick sick sick.

I have had some sort of a flu. Aches and Pains, Fevers and Chills, Nausea, Diarrhea. No fun at all. I am still not all better 12 days in. I went days without solid food, and even had trouble keeping liquid inside. Not down, just inside. I thought I was getting better, but last night I started to get plugged up sinuses, and a painful nasty chest cough. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

Not only have I been sick, but everybody else at home has as well.

The dog had bloody Diarrhea all over the carpet several times. She is better now. The Teenager stayed home a day last week, and then yesterday puked into a garbage can on the subway while going to school. The Wife seems to have the sort of cold/flu thing I had, not all the symptoms are the same, but it is close and is progressing in the same way (she is at the “the toilet is my best friend” stage right now.) The baby is running a fever and is all snotty, we thought it might be what we have, but the doctor says it is the ear infection come back to haunt us. Yeah, life is sweet at our place.

Last week was the first time the baby has been sent home from daycare. They called N and said “come and get her, fever of 101”. Unlucky baby, but lucky N. Makes you feel like such a super parent, dropping everything and rushing off to save your kid. She has been home since Friday, if she can go without aspirin tonight she can try going back tomorrow.

The baby is a total walker. Last week there was still some crawling, but no more. Oh sure she still has the Frankenstein style lurching going on, and hasn’t figured out how to move her centre of gravity down to her hips, but she walks. She really walks. She has even been working on the sideways and the backward walking.

The baby is really working on talking too. Not so much with recognizable words, (though got some very clear “there you go” action this morning) but her babble is becoming much closer to speech. She has been using punctuation for a while now, but lately the babble itself is mimicking what we have just said to her. She is convinced she is making perfect sense and “talks” to us all day long.

I have officially taken a new job. I will be working at Grip Ltd., which is an agency right down town in Toronto here. It will mean commuting again, which is a drag, but I am having to commute right now to take the baby to Daycare, and Grip is about a 15 minute walk from the daycare, so that is ok. I will be working with some comrades I have worked with before (Shout-outs to Nadia, David, Sharon, James, Jim etc.), and a whack of new people. I am excited and nervous and all a tizzy.

I am just hoping that I am all-better by Monday so that my first day is my best day.

Sorry Sorry

2007-01-19T13:12:00.000-05:00

Sorry Sorry

It has been a long time since I wrote anything on here and needless to say loads has changed

J is well set into daycare. She seems to look forward to going in the morning, and there are several workers that she is smitten with. Sure, some mornings when I leave her she gets a little weepy, but on the majority of the mornings she is all like “see you later” and I am all like “boo hoo hoo – my baby is growing up so fast”.

J is a total walker. She has been working on it for the last 2 weeks or so, but by yesterday she was walking at least 90% of the time, and any crawling was usually just to get somewhere she could pull herself up. Yesterday she and her mother (who is the daily picker upper to my dropper offer) walked down the block, hand in hand, and I am all like “boo hoo hoo – my baby is growing up so fast”.

J has regained most of her appetite (she was sick for a couple of weeks), but has mysteriously gone off fruit. It used to be she was a fruit-a-holic, now she pretty much only eats grapes. I think she eats differently at daycare, but in the morning it is just the grapes from the fruit salad, and some of the cottage cheese. She will eat her morning hot cereal (and shreddies), but she insists on wearing at least half of it, and most of that in her hair.

J is adding new words. Hat and Shoe are the standouts for the last few days. For a while I kept thinking she was saying Hot and not Hat, but I clued in when she kept pointing to my head. Speaking of Hot, she received a lesson in it’s meaning the other morning. Despite my telling her no a number of times she insisted on sticking her finger into the steam vent on the humidifier. Many many tears followed, but she has avoided it since.

J has a new tooth bringing the number to 8, and is totally working on the next one right now. I am really glad I don’t have to nurse a teething baby. Sure I envy the closeness of nursing – but I like my nipples on my body

N and I both had haircuts. Mine really needed it. In fact my hair was so damaged that Anna Maria (former neighbour and stylist) had to cut off more than half. I am not sure I like the look on me, but my hair looks better. Boy oh boy did I have a lot of grey hair in the pile on the floor.

The teenager has just completed her first exams of 2007. Helped her with studying. Even for math, although that was like me reading something phonetically – I had simply no idea what I was saying.

I am back at work. The first week was quite the shock. I found it so tiring, and confusing, and I missed my time with J. Now as I approach the end of week 2 I am right back into the groove, sadly it is like I never left. Even though I have just been away for 4 months, and even though I love the convenience of having work so close to home I have decided to leave my current employer and try something new. I have resigned, and February 2nd is my last day. I don’t have a new job yet, but I have a couple of promising leads and shouldn’t find it too difficult to land employment. If I need to I will go freelance. Maybe one day I will get up the nerve to leave the ad industry and try something totally different, but for now I will stick with what I know.

I am not going to make any promises about being more regular with my postings, at least not until my work situation is settled, but I am still enjoying myself here, and don't plan to quit.

My Daughter the Drug Addict

2007-01-19T13:08:00.000-05:00

My god, but the baby loves meds. Whether it is ibuprofen for teething, or the horehound and licorice tea for her cough, or the antibiotics for her recent ear infection, the girl will gulp it down. I remember hating the taste of meds (although I guess I didn’t hate the taste of the entire bottle of pills I gulped down – I still remember having my stomach pumped, well actually I remember one of the nurses arms, and being totally afraid); maybe they have changed the formulas.

Sit

2007-01-19T13:05:00.000-05:00

J loves to sit down. Most of the time she is happy to sit just about anywhere she can lean back on something, a wall, a dog, a parent, but if she sees a stool, or box or any low sort of sitty thing she cannot resist. She walks up to it, turns her back, gets into position, and drops her ass into place. Once she is sitting she will either kick her feet, or if that won’t work, cross one leg over the other. It is pretty cute, but it can be a pain if you are trying to get her to do something else.

Holiday Snaps

2007-01-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

We had a lovely time over the holiday weeks at the end of December, we got to visit with family and friends and have many of them visit us.

In Bracebridge with my parents.

Along the banks for the Humber river, with N's mom, step-father and nephew

With my brother's girls (Taryn on left and Mikaylah) at my Aunt's house near Bradford

With N's two nephews, Ben on left in town from Vancouver, and Daniel down from The Yukon

Toothpaste Of The Month

2006-12-29T21:52:00.000-05:00

So, I have a bit of a problem with perspective. When I decide to try or to do something I usually throw myself into it. Take Aqua Teen Hunger Force for example. I hear from some of the workers at the daycare that their teens love ATHF. So I download all four seasons and burn them to DVD and have been watching nothing else for days (well not nothing else – but almost nothing else.) I have much the same problem with toothpaste. I love to try new and exciting kinds of toothpaste. This means that at any given time we may have between 8 and 12 different kinds of toothpaste in the house. Why you ask? Cause I like it. I have a bit of a thing for the toothpastes of Asia as well. So at the moment we have mostly toothpastes from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, but quite often we have Chinese or Japanese toothpastes as well. I am going to be profiling a new toothpaste each month so that others can share in my love of expansive dental hygiene.

This month’s toothpaste is Dabur Red Toothpaste. “Strong teeth. Keeps dental problems away” This is an excellent mid-foaming paste with the added goodness of Laung, Pudina and Tomar. It combines most of the medicinal qualities of the heavenly Dabur Red Toothpowder, with a cleansing foam and very little of the mess that is the powder’s downfall. I can’t recommend this toothpaste enough. It will keep your mouth clean and healthy, and give you a slight burning tingle you can enjoy for about 15 to 20 minutes afterward. If you want to ramp that burn up I suggest a big slug of hot coffee right after you leave the bathroom. Yowza! Darbur Red Toothpaste – January 2007s Toothpaste Of The Month.

Soooo Much

2006-12-11T22:49:00.000-05:00

Her first birthday cake. Carrot, made that morning by her loving mother. Notice the death grip on the balloon strings. Nobody was getting her balloons.

The balloons were the biggest hit of the day, and are still in the bathtub for splashing good fun.

So much has happened since I last posted here. The wee bairn has changed so much since I last happened here. If I keep eating ice cream this way my girth will increase so much I wont fit in my chair.

Anyhow, in my absence the girl has had her first birthday. She has taken her first steps. She has mastered new words – bye bye & hot for instance. She has had her one-year vaccines and gotten sick as a result. Most earth shattering of all, she has started at Daycare. It is a whirlwind of change and I am staggering in its blast.

Things that haven’t changed – I still love her, she still makes me laugh.

My Ear Doesn’t Hurt

2006-12-11T22:48:00.001-05:00

So I have this dorky problem with my left ear. Once or twice a year the middle ear fills with this nasty yellowish fluid and it causes my eardrum to retract. This results in a mild to severe hearing loss in that ear depending on how long I let it go. I walk around feeling like someone has a finger in my ear (a big hot finger), and saying “what”, “pardon” & “huh” a lot. I also have the TV up so loud that my wife and the teenager are very rude about me. Whatever – it is easily solved. I go to my E.N.T. Doctor (Chapnick at Mt. Sinai – really I recommend him; painless, courteous and fast. If I ever need a nose job, he will be my man – but I digress) and he puts a tube through my ear drum, the fluid leaks out, the eardrum can loosen up and I can hear. After 6 months or so the tube falls out, or gets plugged or whatever and he has to fix it up. Well last week the phantom finger came back, “pardon” became my favourite word, and little nuclear explosions of noise and pain were going off in my middle ear. I dropped in on good old Chappy this morning, and within 5 minutes he had diagnosed a plugged tube, pulled it out and sent me on my way. It used to be way more time consuming and painful with my old E.N.T., mostly because she used a grommet instead of a tube which meant that sometimes it attached itself to my eardrum – and trust me that hurts like a mother when they pull it loose, that and she often used me as a teaching case - and believe me, you don’t want a resident poking multiple holes in your eardrum with a teeny tiny scalpel. I will be fine now until the hole closes up and the fluid returns. Hopefully I will make it through the summer. It puts the kibosh on swimming when you have a hole in your eardrum. Three things you should know about eardrums. When they put in or take out a tube it is REALLY FREAKIN LOUD! When you forget that you have the tube in and go swimming in the ocean it REALLY FREAKIN STINGS! And when they are sucking the freezing off your eardrum with a little suction tool, it makes your middle ear change temperature and the ROOM REALLY SPINS! Thought you might want to know.

My Arm Hurts

2006-12-11T22:46:00.000-05:00

So about a week or so ago the baby and I were in the living room. She was taking her beanbags in and out of their can and I started tossing one straight up to the roof and catching it. I was lying flat on my back and shooting it right up, sort of like throwing a dart. It was sort of fun, trying to hit the same spot each time, and she found it quite amusing. After a while I noticed that my elbow was getting stiff. The next day my arm felt as if I had been at a bar playing darts all night. Sore sore sore. Well, it hasn’t gotten any better, in fact it is getting steadily worse. To the point that picking something up in my right hand and rotating it is really painful. Even this typing is making my arm go numb from the elbow down. I couldn’t figure it out, how come it still hurts? How come it is getting worse? Am I that hopelessly out of shape that at 41 I am falling apart? Then today we were walking from the car to the corner. The dog had to poop, and I wanted to share a bagel with the baby, I was just back from the hospital and deserved a treat. Halfway there I was almost dropping her my arm hurt so much, why hadn’t I brought the stroller? Then it hit me. I carry her around for a good portion of the day, particularily the last 3 as she has been ill and whiny, and I do almost all the carrying in the crook of my right elbow. That is a lot of strain for already damaged muscles to be taking. I am hoping that once she is feeling better and doesn’t need quite so much carrying it will start to mend.

Things she love to eat

2006-12-11T22:45:00.001-05:00

Grapes
Grapes
Grapes

Things she hates to eat

2006-12-11T22:45:00.000-05:00

Anything that isn’t a grape. “Is that a grape? If that isn’t a grape I won’t be eating it!”

Things she might eat if she hasn’t seen a grape lately

2006-12-11T22:44:00.000-05:00

Sun-Sprout Mung Bean Patties
Rice
Papaya
Banana
Baby mush in jars
(if she happens to lay her eye on a grape while eating these all bets are off)

Back to Work - Wah Wah Wah!

2006-11-22T20:44:00.000-05:00

The Teenager Graduating from Campus Co-op Community Daycare

It is pretty much official, I am going back to work as of January 8th. I had been hoping to stay off until the end of the school year, but that wasn’t groovy for the folks at work. I didn’t know what to do when BAMN a space became available at Campus Co-op Daycare, the teenagers alma mater. It was a case of serendipity, and like a free horse was not to be looked in the mouth. However I am all choked up about it. How can I leave my baby? How can I spend my time in any other way? She changes so fast I will miss things, important things. It doesn’t matter that Campus is the greatest daycare I have ever had the pleasure to get to know, I want to be with my peek-a-boo playing, moo making, stinky poo taking, blurbulling baby! I guess I will get used to it, and so will she. I have the whole of December to introduce her to the daycare, and she being the trooper she is will probably handle it with aplomb. I am not so sure about her mom and I.

This Week

2006-11-22T20:41:00.000-05:00

“Oh” is still going strong, and has had a couple of new inflections added. As well J has figured out that it is Cows that go Moo, and lets us know regularly. When we see a picture of a cow, when she picks up her little plastic Old MacDonald cow, when a cow shows up on Zoboomafoo or Baby Einstein. Yes, I let my under two watch TV, but only for about 15 minutes a day when we are getting dressed for bed. Someone named Jemima is usually very cranky by then and the 15 minutes of quiet zoning out makes the bedtime routine that much easier. And yes, I do feel a bit guilty about it. She is also working on Baa for sheep and goats, but she has trouble with the B sound so it comes out something like “AAAhhh!” at a high volume. As well, she has learned that dogs make a growling sound. I play this game where I gently curl up the dog’s lips to bare her teeth and then I growl. Jemima usually thinks it is pretty funny, and a couple of days ago I came into the room to catch her stretching the dogs lip up and growling. Thank the goddess that the dog is so freaking patient. I don’t know how I would get through the day without her help. Tomorrow some guys are coming to install gas fireplaces, which means we will be stuck in the house all day, and will miss indoor playground.

Another Party

2006-11-22T20:38:00.000-05:00

clockwise from bottom left, Jemima, a big girl who's name I don't remember, Thomas, Max

This past weekend we attended a first birthday party for another pre-natal class alumni. Thomas. It was quite different from Max’s party, although Max was there. This party was mostly family, and adults, so J was a little overwhelmed at first. It was her first time singing happy birthday and watching candles getting blown out though. She had a good time for about half an hour and then got all cranky and whiny so we went home to bed.

First Meal With Her Own Spoon

2006-11-17T18:07:00.000-05:00

You may remember Jemima visiting with her friend Amimej in the garbage can. Well, a couple of mornings ago, her mom witnessed J “feeding” Amimej with a spoon, so I decided it was time to let her try it on real food for herself. It went pretty well really. Good and messy, very little food making it to the mouth on the spoon and a lot of confidence built. I am going to keep offering her second lunch to her in bowls with a spoon and let her work it out. It isn’t like she is starving, and the dog REALLY appreciates all the dropped goodies.

Fridge Wars

2006-11-17T18:06:00.000-05:00

You may remember a picture of Her Majesty standing at the fridge door and inspecting its contents. It is something she really likes to do. Unfortunately for her, it has gone from standing at the door to climbing right inside, and balancing on the lip while she reaches in to pull stuff forth. This has of course led to several tumbles, head smashes and tears, not to mention food on the floor and a fridge that has to work overtime to stay cold. So her mother and I have laid down the law, no babies in the fridge, no babies at the fridge door. If you guess that J hates this new regime and feels it is despotic and unfair, you guessed correctly. Now every time she hears the door open she lunges to throw herself in, and I have to bodily remove her. As a result, we have less food spillage, and head smashing, but way more tears.

Birthday Parties

2006-11-17T18:02:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we attended two birthday parties. One was for Max whose parents were in pre-natal class with us. One year doesn’t so much creep up as arrive on a rocket sled, and it was pretty cool to see all these kids we first met as bumps. The other party was for our friends’ Kate and Julie’s brand new baby boy Bruno. That was a big affair to welcome him to the world. Lots of kids of all ages, lots of friends and family, a lovely time was had by all.

This is Max and Jemima on the couch. They were CRAZY for those balloons.

Clockwise from the bottom left we have, Isabelle, Madeline, Jemima, and just the top of Morgan's head.

Her new word

2006-11-17T18:01:00.000-05:00

Jemima’s new word is “Oh”. It is pronounced about halfway between Oh – as in “oh really, you don’t say” and Oh – as in “oh my goodness”. It gets used in place of Uh-Oh if something is dropped, it gets used if there is some tasty food in sight, or if the fridge door is opened or her sister or mother walks in the room or for just about any place where some exclamation/statement of interest is needed. I love it.

Rockin with Red Zeppelin

2006-11-17T17:57:00.000-05:00

Jemima has plenty of toys. We have been given oodles of them. She has books, puzzles, rattles, electronic noisemakers, two Dora dolls (one little and one life size), and 3 portable phones just for her. What is her favourite toy right now? This red plastic appliqué that came off of a gap sweatshirt that someone donated. She crawls all over the house with it in her hand. Folding it, chewing it, waving it, talking to it and bathing with it. I don’t get the appeal, but she sure does. It is a bit safer than last week’s fave, which was an empty Chandrika soap box. Sure it smelled nicer, but it is cardboard and was falling apart in her mouth when she chewed it.

Remember This.

2006-11-11T09:43:00.000-05:00

Today is November the 11th, and everywhere you see the red poppies. My Mom’s Dad served in both world wars and my Dad’s great uncle died in France in the first world war, so I understand that people want to remember what they have lost. It strikes me though that the poppy has us remembering the wrong things, should we really be remembering all those soldiers? Should we really be talking about valour, camaraderie, or honour? Maybe we should try ruminating on this.

“Historically, as many civilians as soldiers have been killed in wars. In the 18th, 19th and most of the 20th century, civilians represented some 50% of war related deaths. In the 1960's civilians accounted for 52% of deaths; in the 1970's, for 73%; in the 1980's, for 85% and at the close of the century for over 95%.
http://www.ppu.org.uk/war/facts/warsdecades.html

Or maybe we should be remembering this.

* In World War II, Japanese soldiers forced between 100,000 and 200,000 women into sexual slavery. Most were from Korea, but others came from Burma, China, Holland, Indonesia, the Philippines, and Taiwan. These so-called "comfort women" were usually sent to the front lines where they were forced into sexual slavery. Some underwent forced hysterectomies to prevent menstruation and thereby make them constantly available. More than half of the women and girls died as a direct result of the treatment they received. Many survivors were detained in the program for 3 to 5 years, and most were raped 5 to 20 times per day. For 3 years of enslavement, this comes to a low estimate of 7500 rapes per person. Japan has not compensated any of these victims.
* Rape occurred during the Vietnam War. Perpetrators included US soldiers; few have been brought to justice.
* During Bangladesh's 9-month war for independence in 1971, between 250,000 and 400,000 girls and women were raped, leading to an estimated 25,000 pregnancies.
* In Rwanda, at least 250,000 women were raped in the 1994 genocide.
* During the 1990s, more than 20,000 Muslim women were raped as part of an ethnic cleansing campaign in Bosnia.
* Credible allegations of sexual humiliation and rape against female detainees at US facilities in Afghanistan and Iraq have been well documented.
* Other conflicts in which rape was widespread include civil wars in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Somalia.

These stats came from an article by Martin Donohoe, MD, at http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/491147. Unfortunately when you try to click on the link you get Medscape log-in page. If you want to read the whole article you should google the title “War, Rape, and Genocide: Never Again?” you can click into it from that link.

So I won’t be wearing a red poppy today, or any November 11th. I think they miss the point. If I am going to wear any poppy at all, it will be a white one.

http://www.whitepoppy.org.uk/

Sick, Tired and Gassy

2006-11-10T14:06:00.000-05:00

The baby and I both have colds. Hers is evidenced mostly by a snotty nose and a poor temper, mine by, sniffles, aches and coughs. We feel crummy. I thought I was almost better, but it is back with a vengeance and seems to be moving in to my chest. What a surprise. I hope I haven’t passed that genetic failing on to daughter number 2. Sorry number 1, you got bum lungs.

On top of the cold I seem to have sprained a rib ligament, or busted a rib, or herniated something in my lower left chest. I was having a sneezing fit this morning, and a took a huge deep breath and let rip and something tore down there. Boy did I yell. It is okay if I sit still, but if I am carrying the baby on that side, or if I cough or sneeze, jeepers! I guess it wouldn't have happened if I was in better shape and didn't have such a middle aged, office sitting, fat guy belly.

N and I are so tired. Sure the baby is sleeping from 6ish to 4ish, but even if N nurses her at 4, and even if she hasn’t pooped, and gets back to sleep, N can’t seem to get back to sleep herself. I have no trouble falling back to sleep, but I am still the idiot I have always been and insist on staying up way too late. I did use the “should have been sleeping” time to watch Old Boy and The Departed. Both of which were pretty enjoyable. I thought that The Departed would have been better without Jack Nicholson, but I don’t really like him in much (besides Little Shop of Horrors.)

Not only are the girl and I gassy (another genetic failing or the curried dhal for lunch 4 days in a row – perhaps both?) but there has been a natural gas fiasco at the house too. Enbridge sent someone to replace the gas meter yesterday and after he was finished he announced we had a gas leak, that he couldn’t find it, that he had to leave and that he could not turn the gas back on. That meant, no hot water, no heat and no laundry – plus the chance that the house might explode, sweet. I used yellow.ca and called some gas contractors to have them find the leak but it is pretty hard to get someone to come out right away. Finally at about 6.30 (after the baby and I spent the entire day in the house waiting) the guy who installed the whole heating system in the house last year showed up and did a thorough check. He could not find a leak. He had to go, but he turned back on the gas and promised to be here today with some other equipment. The house hasn’t blown up yet and we are still breathing, so perhaps the Enbridge guy was wrong.

Well, we have a weekend coming up, and two birthday parties to attend, so things are looking up. Plus as of Monday the teenager is home.

Support Our Troops

2006-11-09T14:03:00.000-05:00

If I see one more “support our troops” bumper sticker, lawn sign, or button I am going to scream! I have never been comfortable with them, to be fair I spent too much of the 80s and 90s as a peacenik protester to ever feel good about “supporting our troops”, but I was at first at least a little conflicted. Weren’t we in Afghanistan doing some good? Driving out the Taliban? After doing some reading and some thinking I have decided no. We aren’t doing good, we are making things worse and I am sick of the freaking sentiment.

I recommend a book I just finished called “To Afghanistan and Back” by Ted Rall first published in 2002 and recently again in an updated edition. Mr. Rall’s book makes for exciting first hand reading, ire raising political commentary, and serves as quite an eye opener. Certainly it was written in the early days of the war in Afghanistan, and things may have changed, but the basic facts and background still hold. The U.S. going there wasn’t really about 9/11 and as far as I can tell, Canada is just there to help the U.S. out. His book lists several others for further reading.

Ted Rall

So, support our troops? Sure, I support paying them a living wage (everyone deserves a living wage.) I feel for the families of the enlisted women and men who are putting their lives on the line for a wrongheaded, dangerous, and fated to fail mission. But mostly, I support bringing them home.

The links below touch on the same subject, and are far more eloquent and informed than anything I can rant here. Don’t be taken in by Harper’s pro-war line and don’t let anyone try to tell you that you are being unpatriotic, or unCanadian by not going along with the line being doled out by the Department of Defense or the Government.

http://thetyee.ca/Views/2006/05/19/OutOfAfghanistan/

http://www.lewrockwell.com/margolis/margolis20.html

http://www.acp-cpa.ca/en/Afghanistan.html

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060303.wcomment0303/BNStory

She's Looking At The Girl In The Mirror

2006-11-03T13:14:00.000-05:00

Jemima would like you to meet her close close friend Amimej. These two get along so well, and despite their busy schedules they always have time to stop and chat whenever they pass a reflective surface.

You want to know something sort of gross, see those smudge marks all over the surface of the garbage can? That isn’t just any old dirt, that is dried Jemima saliva and greasy Jemima handprints. She loves her reflection so much that she can’t help but touch it and kiss it, and lately suck on it. Don’t be too grossed out, we wash the garbage can with bleach, and discourage her from the kissing.

She does much the same thing with the full-length mirror in our bedroom closet. Stands there kissing and smacking and talking.

Best buds for life.

Music Music Music Pt2

2006-11-02T14:42:00.000-05:00

So we are still rocking the Dan Zanes and the Sho + Mo and the Monkey Bunch, but we have replaced the Yodeling Crazy. Not because we are tired of yodeling per se, but because trying new things is good.

Kid Koala
At first we listened to the new Kid Koala disc. It is more of the crazy turntable trickery that we love him for. It is called “Your Mom’s Favourite DJ” and the wee one really liked the talking and the trumpet sounds. Visit his site, and give the music a listen. If you like it, buy it. I am pretty sure he will never get rich of playing the wheels of steel.

Your Mom’s Favouite DJ

Sting
Okay, I admit it, I am listening to Sting. Yikes. Back in the day I didn’t like the Police. Most of my friends did, but I just couldn’t get into them. I guess I didn’t mind “Walking on the Moon”, but otherwise – P.U. So about a month or so ago there was an article in the Globe and Mail about Sting learning to play the lute for his new album of songs by this contemporary of Shakespeare. Sounded cool, I had never even heard of this John Dowland before, but as cool as it sounded, it was Sting. Then about 2 weeks back we are watching Studio 60… and who should they have on as a pseudo-guest but Sting, rocking it on his lute. So N says she wants to hear the album, and an N sanctioned music acquisition is the sweetest of all (right up there with N sanctioned television or film acquisition), so I went and got it right away. You know what, it is quite enjoyable. Especially after you have listened to it a couple of dozen times. The girl always does a little dance when the lute comes on, which, while she is pre-verbal, is her stamp of approval. Give it a listen.

Songs from the Labyrinth

Now, it is true that the baby and I listen to music everyday, and that there is certainly some she seems to enjoy more than others, but to be honest, she seems to like the sound of the CD player shuffling discs the most. That always stops her in her tracks and gets her searching for the source of the sound.

GrandMothers Are Great

2006-11-01T13:28:00.000-05:00

Nana knit her a sweater.
Yes, my mom (nana) knit the baby this beautiful red sweater. The very first time she wore it she decided to spit out an entire mouthful of banana/papaya smoothie. That really starts to smell after just a little while. It has been through the wash now and still looks just as super.

Grandma did some cooking.
N’s mom (grandma), who has done plenty of knitting herself brought us some lovely wild rice with mushrooms and baked beets. The wee bairn loves them both. As a matter of fact, she has eaten so many of the beets that one of her bodily expulsions has taken on quite a beet like hue.

GrandMothers are great.

Paving with good intentions.

2006-10-31T22:17:00.000-05:00

Everyday I sit down when her majesty is taking her afternoon nap with the intention of posting something on here. And every day her majesty wakes up after just 35 minutes, so at the most I have done a bit of writing or edited some photos, but rarely do I have time to make an entire post. Later in the evening I am too tired or too busy or whatever. Tonight I am feeling ill so I have come up to bed early and thought I would post something up quickly so that I don't feel I am letting blogger down.

- the teenager is here this week - hurrah!
- the baby figured out how to clap yesterday and was going at it gangbusters today.
- she spent a good portion of today saying the word "up" over and over again.
- the teenager and I have watched 3 episodes of Heroes in the last two nights and are sort of hooked.
- everybody at the house is feeling a little ill.
- the baby has decided that 4am is the perfect time for bowel movements, which means by 4.30 she is awake, crying and stinking to high heaven. Most mornings by the time the diaper is changed there is no way she is going back to sleep. So we have been getting up early.
- I am not sure when the teenager has her bowel movements (ah the letting go as they grow up) but she probably doesn't want me talking about them on the internet anyways.
- fed the baby a lot of whole rice, prunes and beans today in an attempt to move the timing of the early morning BM up a bit. There was a minor explosion at about 2.30pm, so perhaps tonight we will be lucky.

Rapidshare Woes

2006-10-23T23:28:00.000-04:00

So I think the problems with my first album links were my fault and not Rapidshare's.

I think that I was too hasty blaming Rapidshare for losing my account.

As usual I wrote something without checking it out first.

My account is still there - there is just new version of Rapidshare and I had to sign up to it.

The albums are gone, but that is my own fault because I wasn't logged in as a premium user when I uploaded them.

Anyhow, here are the links to working uploads. Enjoy.

Dan Zanes

Sho, Mo & The Monkey Bunch

Yodellin' Crazy

I have updated the links in the original post as well.

Horror Movies

2006-10-23T22:56:00.000-04:00

Lately - in a bid to get a bit of alone time, I have taken to watching movies in bed with the headphones on once N has fallen asleep. For some reason almost all of them have been horror movies. It is all I seem to want to watch. Here is a list of them in more or less the order I have watched them.

Hostel – gory and bleak with the best Achilles tendon slicing since Pet Semetary, but I found the ending disappointing, too upbeat.

House of 1000 Corpses – everybody warned me it was bad, but I wouldn’t listen.

Devil’s Rejects – marginally better than Hof1000C, but only by a bit. I enjoyed seeing PJ Soles in her cameo though.

Dawn of The Dead – Sarah Polley version – The teenager’s mom got married on the set of this film. There was garbage and body parts and overturned cars and busses all around the building we were in, the kids loved it.

Night of The Living Dead – 1990s version. I was copying it for my nephew and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t too much for him. It has a nice bleak ending.

Silent Hill – This got glowing reviews from the nephew mentioned above. I couldn’t finish it. I just kept trying to guess which parts were straight from the video game and which parts they added in. Not recommended by me.

Bloodsucking Freaks – un-watchable, even with the camp factor of a homicidal little person it is just too bad to watch. I tried twice but gave up.

Haute Tension – Know here as Switchblade Romance. I loved this one. Scary, tricky (though they cheat a bit), and truly gory. The ending is just soaked in blood. Nasty homophobic subtext to the movie, but I guess I shouldn’t expect stellar social values in a film where women and children are casually murdered, a man is decapitated with a dresser and a concrete saw is put to shocking use.

The Happiness of the Katakuris – not really a horror movie per se, more like some surrealist acid trip, but it has murder, and zombies, clay-mation, musical numbers and weird angel monsters. Plus it is by Takashi Miike, so it counts. Watch this one, it is quite a trip.

The Cavern – a bad bad cave movie from Australia. Camera work was very Blair Witchy, and made me feel like puking.

The Descent – a not too bad cave movie. The story is very similar to The Cavern, but the lighting, design, acting, camera work and special effects are light years ahead.

Twisted Sisters – another un-watchable one. This time a German and English co-production. Crazy sister, nice sister, fireworks going off up some poor guys butt. Give it a pass.

Nightmare on Elm Street – always a goodie. I bought it a couple of years back, but the teenager won’t watch it with me, so I gave up on waiting and watched it myself. Johnny Depp is so young.

I have a bunch more still to go including two more by Miike, both the Saws and the Exorcism of Emily Rose. I will let you know if I find any that are good and scary.

Kitchen SNAFU Part Two.

2006-10-23T22:51:00.000-04:00

My infant daughter is a crappy napper. 35 minutes per nap at the most. (Well in the interest of full disclosure, she slept for 90 minutes this afternoon, but that is extremely rare.) So when she goes down for her afternoon nap I have time to visit the powder room, get her lunch and my lunch together (for when she wakes up) and maybe sit down and write her mom an email It is nice to spend time with her, but the lack of alone-getting grownup stuff done-time is occasionally disheartening.

Last Tuesday she went down and rather than follow the usual routine I decided to get a butternut squash and some garlic and onions roasting for soup. As well, I decided to slip the phone headset on and get some phone calling done at the same time. Multi-tasking super-dad in action. The calls were all made, the squash was rubbed with spices and roasting along side the garlic and onion, the lunches were made and I had some time to spare. Go on I says to myself, peel and cut the apple and then fry it with the curry, that way when the roasting is done I can drop it right in the pan, add the stock and set it to simmering. It will be ready as soon as N comes home from work.

So I put a pan on the stove and add some oil. I get an apple out and peel, core and slice it. I turn the pan on high and reach up into the cupboard to get the new curry powder out. The can is taped tightly so I am hunting around for the scissors or a knife. Then I hear it, the baby rolling over. If I can get to her in time, and if I can start patting her back quietly, persistently and soothingly she just might go back to sleep for another 35 minutes, who knows maybe an hour. I rush down the hall and into the room. Pat Pat Pat, she opens her eyes, Pat Pat Pat, the eyes close and the breathing slows, she is going to fall asleep, then the freaking phone that is still in my pocket rings. She bolts upright. All is lost. I angrily hang up on the person (sorry Alan, but ya screwed me man!) and take her in my arms for a cuddle. If she doesn’t get a cuddle when she wakes up – look out, crabby baby. So we are sitting there, turning the ceiling light off and on with the remote when I remember the oil. I remember I turned the oil on high and then never turned it off. We run down the hall to the kitchen expecting clouds of smoke, only to find flames leaping up almost to the ceiling. I put the baby down and grab the fire extinguisher – I am finally going to get to use it! – It is going to make a huge mess of the kitchen! – What am I thinking, the fire is in a pot – I slam the lid on – fire goes out. Thick black smoke is pouring out from under the lid, I go to lift the pot off the burner but it has melted the enamel and it is stuck, I am struggling and pulling and the baby is pulling herself upright on my leg. Eventually the pot and the element come loose together and I put them down carefully on the back of the stove. At this point, just as I am getting the element and pot down the smoke alarm goes off and the baby starts to cry. I pick her up, open the window in the kitchen and then go into the back hall to open the door to the deck. The smoke detector is out here, and it is so loud that it frightens the baby into silence. Back into the kitchen, even though the pan and the element are no longer generating heat there is still fresh smoke coming from the pan. I take the baby to the living room and prop her up against the couch, then I run full speed back the kitchen, grab the pot and take it out the porch. Then I grab the stepladder, climb up to unplug and pull the battery from the smoke detector. I get down from the ladder just in time to stop J from crawling out of the kitchen and throwing herself down the stairs. It is all fine. Fire is out, smoke is clearing, squash is almost roasted and I have already prepared her lunch. Yes, it is all going to be fine.

Thankfully I caught the fire before it melted the microwave or set the cupboards alight. I guess it hadn’t been burning for too long, I was able to clean all the soot and smoke with citrus cleaner and paper towels. When they cooled down it was easy to pull the element and the pot apart. The element is fine – except for a bit of red enamel on it - and the pot is garbage.

The soup was excellent and the little stinker just finished the last of it today mixed with leftover rice.

I wish she could sleep longer.